The last week has been a roller coaster spiritually. Monday started with some intense times of prayer and conversations with friends and ended in tears as I was told that if I did not have a large sum of money to Moody by Monday, February 1, I would basically be dropped from school. My faith has been stretched in so many ways since Monday.
I have never had a week like this where most of my assignments were not completed or even started the day they were due. Some things I still haven't even gotten to. That is so hard for me, and have been overwhelmed thinking about all of that all day. The picture in my head for this semester so far is a swimmer in water, choking to try to keep from drowning, but it doesn't look promising.
And the friends who I walk by on my way to this or that who shout out "I'm praying for you!" have been so encouraging! I am blown away at how many people have told me that. I have been convicted of my prayer life. I don't go to Him as much as I should. He is never away from me, I should turn to Him more.
Then there are the friends who are choosing to help with my financial situation which have just blown my mind. People who in my mind, are the least likely to do something or be able to do something in this way. I am so encouraged and know that their gifts are only from God.
My friend told me the other day to remember that God is beyond capable of giving me all the money I need for this semester, but to remember that He has the best idea in mind for me now. HE will work it all out in His plan, however that will be. I have found deep, unexplainable peace resting in that and knowing that His provision may not be in the form we think it will and that whatever happens will be for the glory of God.
I feel like this week has been heavy in the learning department of my spiritual walk, but not so much in the classroom. Is that bad? Should I search for the balance?
I guess I need to trust God to provide motivation and desire to study just as He has provided for the finances. And if He is in the business of doing things 'upside down' according to the human mind, how is He going to work this one out? I look forward with anticipation of my Big God in what He will do with this area of my life right now. He has something in mind!
The other thing I wrestle with as I write now is the constant battle I face all day long as a single female. I am realizing that I search so much for approval or satisfaction or protection from guys. Maybe that is natural, but I see it as a weakness of mine and I want it to change. I feel though that it is so much a part of who I am that I don't even know where to start with this one. May I be content in knowing that God is so affectionate for me, His love for me is like a hurricane, and He protects me better than any man or human can! Lord, make me never forget these promises and cling to You for safety and security!
