Welp. That dude I've liked since Easter just walked out the gate. He leaves tomorrow morning for two months overseas, and no, I'm not going with him.
I'm done with him. I don't really think he knows I exist even though I've made it completely obvious thousands upon thousands of times. I've cried buckets of tears over him and thought I was done with him a little over a month ago. But of course I'm a girl and the tiniest little thing set me off in a whirl and had me thinking there was hope of him liking me and pursing something.
Nope.
Nada.
SOOOO this weekend I had the flash to reality that if he did like me, he would do something about it. I am worth pursing and I do not need to do all this worrying and thinking. I am done with crushes. As crazy as that sounds, I really really am done with crushes. Done. They are no more for me.
What God is trying to communicate to me as I woke up for church Sunday morning was that my singleness is a Gift. I've been reacting like a child who gets exactly what they didn't ask for at Christmas. I am screaming, crying, kicking and pushing it away saying 'I HATE IT!'.
But it is a Gift from Almighty God, the true Lover of my soul. He has given this to me, He gives the best gifts and what we need most. I desperately need Him and to take all this focus off of me and my wants and focus on Him and His wants for me.
I am now transitioning out of this 'I hate it' mentality to trying to accept this gift that now I see is given to me to enjoy, and how I have been responding. How much that must hurt His heart as the Giver? It must grieve Him to see me treat His Gift this way. And isn't that exactly what happened on the cross? Yes, the Gospel is hitting me now, even as I type this blog post, my utter need for Jesus, the very One I mock and 'hate', He is the One I need.
He is my Gift.
I started this year out with one 'goal' and that is that I fall more in love with Him, the One who is pursing me and knows me better than any other. Well, He's doing it, pursing me, drawing me to Himself. How will I respond?
