Friday, February 26, 2010

Learning Frustrations

I learned yesterday through talking with my mom that I am a kinesthetic learner. And as I think about that more, I feel like I am so alone. Am I the only person who learns this way? I am so frustrated. I just don't understand why when there are different learning styles how those people can just be expected to mesh into the rest of the cookie-cutter-system. How have I made it this far? I feel like a failure when I do not match up to the standards of my professors or classmates. What is the point if I'm not even learning anything? And then what do I do since this is a struggle for me when I see that there is no effort being made to teach to the differences?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Jesus Paid it ALL

At Moody, the first week of February is devoted to a large annual conference in celebration of our founder, D. L. Moody. This past ‘Founder’s Week’ I had the opportunity to work as an usher at the main church where the sessions were held. I was stationed at a main door to the massive auditorium. Joo Seong (my new Korean friend) and I welcomed the guests beginning Monday night and continued through the morning and night sessions until Friday evening. There were regular people who came through our doors each session, and we became familiar with people and greeted them accordingly.

Thursday morning rolled around. I was tired, I’m sure Joo Seong was tired too. He got up to assist a guest during the middle of the second sermon. At this time, one of our regular guests approached me and sat down in Joo Seong’s seat. This man (who I later learned is named Rocky) then said, “Can I ask you a question?” Of course, I said yes, expecting that his question would be conference related. To my surprise, he asked, “Have you ever considered going to Israel?” My hesitated response was, “…Um, yeah, I guess so…” To that he proceeded to tell me that he had just talked to some people and he was going to pay my way to go on a study tour trip with Moody to Israel this coming May. I sat there stunned, and speechless.

His next concern was if my parents would allow me to participate in such a trip, and if they would be fine with it. To that I assured him they would be okay. Somehow I managed to ask him “Why me? Are you sure?” “Because my wife’s name is Rebecca” was his answer. Rocky went back to his seat, and I sat through the rest of the sermon stunned. I told Joo Seong, and I think he was about as shocked as I was! My immediate thoughts were that I do not deserve such a gift as this, but that I know how God works on people’s hearts at things like this conference. I could not deny this man’s gift because he is probably acting out of obedience to God to give this to someone. I just feel so undeserving! So many of my friends have wanted to go to Israel, and I honestly have not thought about it a ton. I feel like they should be the ones going not me.

As the congregation sang the last song, Rocky came back to me again and said we should go out to the Israel booth and get me signed up! I had to tell him when I would get off work, and arranged to meet him in the lobby when I was off the clock. I dismissed it all, until I was straightening up the aisles and he came up to me in urgency. He had the registration card all filled out with his information and told me to sign by his name and put my address on the card, and I would be good to go. I did, then it hit me, this is really legit! I told my supervisor, just because I had to tell someone what had just happened.

That night I wrote a thank you note to this gracious man because I did not know if I would ever see him again, and thought it was only appropriate to thank him and let him know about me a little more too. I had just been accepted to Avant Ministries on Monday night of the same week, so I explained to him a little bit of my future goals of going through orientation with Avant in July and hoping to go to Italy, Rome area for church planting in a few years. I also shared with him a little bit of the financial struggle I have been in for my last semester. I told him how God has really used this time of uncertainty with money to bring me closer to Himself and seek Him more sincerely. It has definitely been a time of growth for me. I have found such peace in knowing that whatever God has planned will work out for His glory, and that I must accept it even if the outcome or means of getting there looks different than what I had in mind.

Friday rolled around, and I gave my thank you note to Rocky. I then saw him and his daughter at lunch, they let me eat with them and I learned more about them. He is a now retired Moody alumnus who went through the aviation program and then became a flight inspector for many many years. With the credit he received by working for the airlines, he was able to travel all over. His favorite place to go was Israel. Not only is his wife named Rebecca, but his daughter, the second of five children also shares my name.

His daughter got up from the table to get some coffee. Rocky then asked if I would like to take a roommate along with me on this trip. I again found myself speechless! He told me to think about it and if I decided to have a roommate, he would pay for them to go too! I told my dear friend and roommate, Shannon, and she was shocked, but agreed to be my roommate! She is now signed up too.

That night, the last session closed, and people poured out of the auditorium doors past Joo Seong and I. Rocky walked up with a smile on his face, but stopped to whisper in my ear. The man who had just preached touched on debt and tried to help us understand how much debt America is in. Rocky asked if I heard that sermon and then proceeded to ask me if I still had debt because of my school bill that I wrote about in my note to him. I told him I did, and he then asked how much. I told him, and his reply was, “I’ll take care of it all.” I received a check in the mail a few days ago covering all of my school bill debt! His words in the letter he sent are this, “I believe we should heed the Word and ‘owe no man anything’”.

As most of you know, my final semester at Moody began with me having no idea where the money would come from to pay it all off – ideally debt free. Thank you to those of you who joined with me in prayer and who gave encouragement, I have been touched by your kindness!

This story I share with you is not about me. I want to make that clear. I was going about my work just like everyone else that day and some reason, God decided that I was to receive this gift from Rocky. Through this overwhelming change of events in my life in the last few weeks, I have seen God’s grace in a different way.

Whatever your thoughts are now as you have read what has happened in my life, my hope is that you will see God at work through this. Grace is being given a gift that is not deserved. People are eternally destined to utter separation from God, this is Hell, and we deserve Hell because of sin. There is absolutely nothing people can do on their own to merit communion with God. Jesus is the One who changed it all. He came and sacrificed Himself for anyone who would believe that He was the One who could take away the sins of the world and bring people into that desired communion with God the Father. He died on the cross, but even more, He conquered death by rising from the dead. He paid ALL the debt that we owe; He did this because He loves people. He desired to see the relationship between man and God restored to its original design.

Through Rocky’s abundant gifts, I have now felt in a deeper way God’s grace. When I was a young child I asked God to forgive my sins and take me as His child. I don’t know what it is like to not have God involved in my every decision and every day life. All I can tell you is that walking with Him is not easy, but so fulfilling. Everything else on this earth will pass away and burn, but my God will remain, He is the only source of true joy and fulfillment. In Him lies my security and hope. Humans will fail me, jobs will fail me, money will fail me, but my God never fails!

I had to share this with you because if you are reading this it means that God has used you in my life to teach me something and draw me closer to Him. It is my prayer that this picture of His graciousness to me will draw you closer to Him and bring glory to His name alone. It is all about Him.