Somewhere in the Middle

So in the last two weeks I have learned there are two extremes of guys: ones too shy to ask a girl out and ones too thirsty they're dangerous. Word to all: stay away from them! Not worth the time and effort for either.

 Guys, I am worth pursuing, but also valuable enough to take it slow and take time to get to know me before jumping to getting my number & asking out for coffee.

I've thought maybe I'm reaching the age where guys my age or older than me have a pretty good reason why they're still single (not a positive reason!), so then that leaves me wondering if I'll end up with someone younger than me.  I mentioned that to my friend last night, she gave some wise thoughts on this topic.  She strongly suggested only a younger guy only if he is mature enough to lead spiritually.  I fully agree with her.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  I don't want to be this dude's mom or big sis, I want to be his Mrs. and walk beside him and support him and go to him for advise.  So I guess that spiritual maturity piece is important for any age...that man's gotta lead!

Another thought on this guy topic... my mind has been so focused on finding 'the one' the last few months and not so focused on 'the One' who made that 'one'.  A little off.  :-/ HE deserves all my attention and not just the afterthought and blame of all my childish frustrations of not getting what I want or ask for.  HE is constant and never failing, yet I fail Him every time I lack the trust to take care of me regardless of that 'one' in my life or not.

Teach me to be content moment by moment dear Jesus.  I need You deeply.  Help me to keep my eyes on you and not the selfish desires of my heart.

Selfish Values

This is probably a selfish post. And it is probably one of those personal ones that is border-line journal entry. My apologies. I am done with guys. Done. The thing I want most in life, to be a wife, a man's helper.... yeah.... today that seems impossible. Not just today, but really lately. Impossible. Very impossible. The guys who do show interest, its not mutual, and it would never work, like they are lacking very important things (FAITH in CHRIST, desire to serve overseas, etc). This I just do not understand. How can I be friends with so many godly young men who have the desire to serve overseas and yet I am never an option to them? They are completely oblivious of me. I am so sick of it. I have wasted the last six months waiting to be noticed by a particular guy. I have put myself very obviously in his path. I have shown my interest in a good-not-too-forward way. Our mutual friends know of my interest in him, heck even his siblings know. Basically our entire church knows. Surely he knows too. I feel like it is pointless to continue. All hope is gone. I'm done. I'm not just done with him, I'm done with guys in general. I don't want to have a crush ever again. I don't want to waste my time, efforts and thoughts on someone who never notices me or gives me the time of day. I realize tonight, (as I probably have so so so so so many times before) that my value is of way much more than what I am getting from this silly interest that is going no where. I am a daughter of the King, the MOST HIGH GOD ALMIGHTY. I do deserve someone who sees that and pursues me for who I am in Christ. I should not have to be the one dropping the hints and initiating everything. NO. There is nothing wrong at all about me wanting so deeply to be pursued by a man of God who values me for me and does that hard work of winning my heart. Sorry dudes, from here on out it will be hard. I don't really trust you males. Tonight I'm pretty much a hater. I wish there were more men out there, step it up. Man up already. If there is an amazing godly woman in your life, don't waste your time in your nerves, suck it up and ask her out or just be intentional about getting to know her. Ok? Please? I'm begging you. Sure I hate rejection just as much as the other person, but seriously, girls have it worse, I want to be a lady and wait for the MAN to make the moves. That is so hard when there are so FEW men in this world. Suck it up and ask her out. Take on your God-given leading role. I want to follow, I'm sure other girls do too. So here it is my selfish but-I-see-the-value-of-not-settling blog post. thanks for your time if you did read this.