Most days I find my mind wandering off into some distant thought of fantasy. As soon as a thought is triggered, I run fast toward all the possibilities of that thought and anything that correlates to it.
Sometimes on occasion I have snap-backs to reality and usually am humbled and ashamed by how far I had run from what actually is true.
Recently I feel that these reality checks have been more often, which is good I guess, if I'm getting my mind more in-tune to the Spirit and His power over me, which is true, when I chose to have Christ redeem me, I chose for the Spirit to come and help me.
So then I don't know why I still default into fantasy/dreamy mode. Is it a lack of contentment or a lack of discipline of my mind? Does it reflect how much more I need my Savior and the power of His Word in my life? I think so.
Today on my walk home I was praying the words to a song, Refiner's Fire,
Purify my heart,
let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart,
let me be as gold, pure gold.
(Chorus)
Refiner's fire,
my heart's one desire
is to be…holy;
set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be…holy;
set apart for You, my Master,
ready to do Your will.
Purify my heart,
cleanse me from within
and make me holy.
Purify my heart,
cleanse me from my sin, deep within.
I so desperately need Jesus. I need Him in all aspects of my life. My default is sin, but with the change Christ has made in me, and the Help of the Spirit, I can be grace and love.
Purify me.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Gospel
"Jessica, I need you to come out to the hall with me, we need to talk."
She gave me that familiar scowl.
We took a seat just outside the cabin door.
"Jessica, you know the rules for camp. They have been the same all week. You must stay with our group when we go somewhere. Can you tell me why you were not with us tonight?"
"This girl was talking bad about me, I had to make things right with her, I just didn't think you would let me."
"You didn't ask! Had you asked and let me know what was going on I probably would have let you talk with her. I'm all about working things out with people and living in peace with one another."
"Yes, but I know I said things I shouldn't have."
"Do you think you can go back to her and apologize for the things you said and try to make it right?"
"OH NO!! Maybe you could do that BUT I COULD NEVER DO THAT!!"
"Can I tell you why I would want to make things right?
Jessica, I mess up all the time. But think about all the lessons and all the verses you've heard this week, it all is about the same thing. We ALL do bad things! WE are ALL unclean, unpure, and filthy! The only way to get cleaned and have all that stuff washed away again is to accept that Jesus is the only One who can clean you, believe that He died for you, and confess that you are a sinner and accept His forgiveness. I made that decision and even though I still mess up, I know that when God looks at me He sees Jesus first and accepts me for who I am in Him, He has forgiven my sins past, present and future, He can and will do the same for you, if you want Him to."
"I want that! I want that!"
"All you have to do Jessica is what I just said, just say it outloud, like you're talking to Jesus, say 'Jesus, I am a sinner. I need your forgiveness. I believe that You can take away my punishment for sin, please forgive me, I want to live for You' "
This was a little paraphrase of my last night at camp this past week with Jr. High kids from the inner city of Chicago. Having this opportunity to share Christ with Jessica and many others was such a joy and excitement I have not experienced in such a long time.
The power of the Gospel is real. And yes, there are people even in the USA who have never even heard of Jesus dying on a cross, I met a girl like that at camp too.
Praise God for this new life in Christ!
She gave me that familiar scowl.
We took a seat just outside the cabin door.
"Jessica, you know the rules for camp. They have been the same all week. You must stay with our group when we go somewhere. Can you tell me why you were not with us tonight?"
"This girl was talking bad about me, I had to make things right with her, I just didn't think you would let me."
"You didn't ask! Had you asked and let me know what was going on I probably would have let you talk with her. I'm all about working things out with people and living in peace with one another."
"Yes, but I know I said things I shouldn't have."
"Do you think you can go back to her and apologize for the things you said and try to make it right?"
"OH NO!! Maybe you could do that BUT I COULD NEVER DO THAT!!"
"Can I tell you why I would want to make things right?
Jessica, I mess up all the time. But think about all the lessons and all the verses you've heard this week, it all is about the same thing. We ALL do bad things! WE are ALL unclean, unpure, and filthy! The only way to get cleaned and have all that stuff washed away again is to accept that Jesus is the only One who can clean you, believe that He died for you, and confess that you are a sinner and accept His forgiveness. I made that decision and even though I still mess up, I know that when God looks at me He sees Jesus first and accepts me for who I am in Him, He has forgiven my sins past, present and future, He can and will do the same for you, if you want Him to."
"I want that! I want that!"
"All you have to do Jessica is what I just said, just say it outloud, like you're talking to Jesus, say 'Jesus, I am a sinner. I need your forgiveness. I believe that You can take away my punishment for sin, please forgive me, I want to live for You' "
This was a little paraphrase of my last night at camp this past week with Jr. High kids from the inner city of Chicago. Having this opportunity to share Christ with Jessica and many others was such a joy and excitement I have not experienced in such a long time.
The power of the Gospel is real. And yes, there are people even in the USA who have never even heard of Jesus dying on a cross, I met a girl like that at camp too.
Praise God for this new life in Christ!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Blessed
Today I ventured out for my third Cub game of the season.
This time again with co-workers, but different ones. As we stood on the ever-tightly crammed Red Line train, one of my co-workers took the time to pick the minds of these two single college graduates--me & my other co-worker.
What he asked and what he shared changed my perspective on where I am at in life right now. After we told him that we felt like we had disappointed ourselves because we are done with school and not married, he told us how he doesn't even know what that is like. His life has been a constant knowing what is next or being committed to taking care of people. He never had a chance to live on his own or live with a roommate outside of college & marriage. He never had the freedom to travel to wherever for however long--by himself. He doesn't know what my life is like.
I have always appreciated this particular friend of mine because he does bring interesting perspective to virtually every conversation. He has checked me many times and challenged me to re-think whatever I just spout out in the moment. Sadly he will be leaving the job and atmosphere he has known since he started college 11 years ago. I know I will miss him and his brotherly input in my life because I don't know my job without him there.
Anyways, the point of this post is that I really am blessed, not in a way that I am better than all my married friends, no not at all. I am blessed because this is where God wants me now. Wallowing in what the flip-side would be or what I do not have is not right. Sure I have my discouraging days and struggle often with loneliness, but all in all, I know I am loved. I am surrounded by people who are all about encouraging me and making sure they love me. My Father God is watching over me, He cares for me and He knows the deepest desires of my heart. He made me this way. He will continue what He put in place.
This time again with co-workers, but different ones. As we stood on the ever-tightly crammed Red Line train, one of my co-workers took the time to pick the minds of these two single college graduates--me & my other co-worker.
What he asked and what he shared changed my perspective on where I am at in life right now. After we told him that we felt like we had disappointed ourselves because we are done with school and not married, he told us how he doesn't even know what that is like. His life has been a constant knowing what is next or being committed to taking care of people. He never had a chance to live on his own or live with a roommate outside of college & marriage. He never had the freedom to travel to wherever for however long--by himself. He doesn't know what my life is like.
I have always appreciated this particular friend of mine because he does bring interesting perspective to virtually every conversation. He has checked me many times and challenged me to re-think whatever I just spout out in the moment. Sadly he will be leaving the job and atmosphere he has known since he started college 11 years ago. I know I will miss him and his brotherly input in my life because I don't know my job without him there.
Anyways, the point of this post is that I really am blessed, not in a way that I am better than all my married friends, no not at all. I am blessed because this is where God wants me now. Wallowing in what the flip-side would be or what I do not have is not right. Sure I have my discouraging days and struggle often with loneliness, but all in all, I know I am loved. I am surrounded by people who are all about encouraging me and making sure they love me. My Father God is watching over me, He cares for me and He knows the deepest desires of my heart. He made me this way. He will continue what He put in place.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Teens
Tonight I watched two movies, back to back about teens seeking to be accepted by either an abusive boyfriend or sex. The second movie was saturated with teens having sex, so much that the entire high school in the movie was basically infested with syphilis.
The interesting thing is that watching these movies reminded me of high school and all my friends and everything that people would talk about Monday after the 'best weekend yet'.
What facinated me in these movies was the parents. They so desperately want to sheild ehtier children from the sex-saturated world we live in, and give them a proper/less skewed view on sex, but their curious children were caving under the pressure around them by friends or even just the culture itself.
It terrified me to watch and wonder what I would say to my own teenager. I have no idea. Whatever my parents told me must have helped, but is it true that some things like that skip generations? Like since my dad was a partier, and I was not, will my children be?
Maybe the answer lies in training them from a young age the values of waiting and saving sex for the confines of marriage and to not cave even though peer pressure is rough.
I guess I don't want my children to be majorly sheltered, but I do want them to know right from wrong and choose to follow Christ and live lives that honor Him in every decision they make.
It must be really hard and faith stretching to be a parent.
The interesting thing is that watching these movies reminded me of high school and all my friends and everything that people would talk about Monday after the 'best weekend yet'.
What facinated me in these movies was the parents. They so desperately want to sheild ehtier children from the sex-saturated world we live in, and give them a proper/less skewed view on sex, but their curious children were caving under the pressure around them by friends or even just the culture itself.
It terrified me to watch and wonder what I would say to my own teenager. I have no idea. Whatever my parents told me must have helped, but is it true that some things like that skip generations? Like since my dad was a partier, and I was not, will my children be?
Maybe the answer lies in training them from a young age the values of waiting and saving sex for the confines of marriage and to not cave even though peer pressure is rough.
I guess I don't want my children to be majorly sheltered, but I do want them to know right from wrong and choose to follow Christ and live lives that honor Him in every decision they make.
It must be really hard and faith stretching to be a parent.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Impatience
Screaming over and over, the same words, the same tone, and the same voice.
It went on all night long. Too faint to make out what was said, but the terror was clear. It wasn't a tantrum of a child, or a couple fondly in love, no it sounded as if someone was in trouble and in pain, or even remembering a past event of a very painful situation.
It woke me up several times. Fear swept over me and it took me a good half hour each time to fall back asleep.
All of this has hastened my prayers for a life partner. I do not enjoy being all alone without any physical presence of protection.
And then today, graduation, I thought I would sit with people from my church, and then they weren't coming. So I started thinking of people I could sit with (yet again frustrated that I didn't have someone to sit with and all my good girl friends were either graduating, or not coming). I texted 3 guys, all of which were extremely unhelpful in allowing me to join them. I decided I would just look around and find someone, and sure enough, there was one of my good married friends sitting with his parents and in-laws watching his wife graduate, and I got to sit with them! Which I am so thankful for.
I just am impatient and am really tired of doing life solo...even though I do rather enjoy it, there are times that I long for someone to share it with, even just their presence would be nice.
God, you know my heart, please comfort me in all my needs and help me to walk each day according to what Your will is for me, and help me to see that Your plan is perfect as is Your timing. Help me to trust you with all my doubts and fears!
It went on all night long. Too faint to make out what was said, but the terror was clear. It wasn't a tantrum of a child, or a couple fondly in love, no it sounded as if someone was in trouble and in pain, or even remembering a past event of a very painful situation.
It woke me up several times. Fear swept over me and it took me a good half hour each time to fall back asleep.
All of this has hastened my prayers for a life partner. I do not enjoy being all alone without any physical presence of protection.
And then today, graduation, I thought I would sit with people from my church, and then they weren't coming. So I started thinking of people I could sit with (yet again frustrated that I didn't have someone to sit with and all my good girl friends were either graduating, or not coming). I texted 3 guys, all of which were extremely unhelpful in allowing me to join them. I decided I would just look around and find someone, and sure enough, there was one of my good married friends sitting with his parents and in-laws watching his wife graduate, and I got to sit with them! Which I am so thankful for.
I just am impatient and am really tired of doing life solo...even though I do rather enjoy it, there are times that I long for someone to share it with, even just their presence would be nice.
God, you know my heart, please comfort me in all my needs and help me to walk each day according to what Your will is for me, and help me to see that Your plan is perfect as is Your timing. Help me to trust you with all my doubts and fears!
Monday, May 9, 2011
What...?
Just about everyday I get asked these two questions:
What will you even do this summer? (Will there be work for you?)
-and/or-
How long will you be working at Moody?
My response to the first question is usually a nicer form of saying, "Well, I wasn't planning on being homeless and hungry this summer."
My response to the next question is usually, "I have no idea. I love my job. I want to be a wife. I want to be a missionary. I guess I'm just waiting on God to see what He has for me next, for now I'm serving Him here."
I'm sure those who inquire mean well, I just get a little frustrated because it appears my answers (specifically for the second question) are not good enough.
As of lately I think about 'the world outside Moody' and where God may take me.
Last night my roommate asked if I've ever thought of culinary school. I have, but not in too much depth because of the cost. And well, we all know, I really don't like going to school and sitting in a class room, but just to be optimistic, maybe culinary school isn't a learning experience I've ever had. I asked a friend today about his experience at culinary school, and any suggestions he had for me about the possibility, he encouraged me to check out getting a certificate as a pastry chef. I would love that.
Another thing I toss around every few weeks is being an RA or cook at Black Forest Academy (BFA, an international school) in Germany. Again today a friend asked what I'm doing after Moody, and I told him about how I have been accepted to BFA, but that was back when I first took my job at Moody and committed to a year with them. So I guess it is still a consideration in my mind.
So I guess these things are what play in my mind every once in a while when I see December coming in a few months (lol), meaning that my 'one year' at Moody will be up... do I go, do I stay? Only God will show the way and that will only be through waiting and passing of time! For now I serve Him in the mindset of Philippians 2:14-15
Do all things without grumbling or disputing;so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,
What will you even do this summer? (Will there be work for you?)
-and/or-
How long will you be working at Moody?
My response to the first question is usually a nicer form of saying, "Well, I wasn't planning on being homeless and hungry this summer."
My response to the next question is usually, "I have no idea. I love my job. I want to be a wife. I want to be a missionary. I guess I'm just waiting on God to see what He has for me next, for now I'm serving Him here."
I'm sure those who inquire mean well, I just get a little frustrated because it appears my answers (specifically for the second question) are not good enough.
As of lately I think about 'the world outside Moody' and where God may take me.
Last night my roommate asked if I've ever thought of culinary school. I have, but not in too much depth because of the cost. And well, we all know, I really don't like going to school and sitting in a class room, but just to be optimistic, maybe culinary school isn't a learning experience I've ever had. I asked a friend today about his experience at culinary school, and any suggestions he had for me about the possibility, he encouraged me to check out getting a certificate as a pastry chef. I would love that.
Another thing I toss around every few weeks is being an RA or cook at Black Forest Academy (BFA, an international school) in Germany. Again today a friend asked what I'm doing after Moody, and I told him about how I have been accepted to BFA, but that was back when I first took my job at Moody and committed to a year with them. So I guess it is still a consideration in my mind.
So I guess these things are what play in my mind every once in a while when I see December coming in a few months (lol), meaning that my 'one year' at Moody will be up... do I go, do I stay? Only God will show the way and that will only be through waiting and passing of time! For now I serve Him in the mindset of Philippians 2:14-15
Do all things without grumbling or disputing;so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Spring Spring!
Oh Sun Please Shine! I think tomorrow I may go for a walk outside in the radiance of the rays, so sun, please shine!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)