Tonight I find myself alone. It is too quiet. I get so down when I'm alone.
Recently a good friend told me something that made me realize something about myself. She said I desire and long to care for a man, its as if I was just made and programed that way. I had not really thought of it that way, but I think she was right. There are many many many days that I am totally fine being single and I enjoy my freedom and independence so so so much, but there are about the same amount of days that I do long for that person to do life with. I suppose today is one of those.
I have to remind myself that there are wonderful things about the quiet, people-less nights too. I can spend time in the Word, prayer and calling loved ones. I just have to remember to not dwell on all the things that I don't have when it is so quiet and I have some 'down time' before I interact with people again. There is so much I can still do!
I just love love love people. I love the crazy busyness, excitement, joy, encouragement, real stuff *good & bad*, and all the life things that come with individuals. I love it. It fascinates me that God made each of us so different, yet there are people that identify specially with others because of certain similarities that draw them together. I love it. He is amazing that way. No one is better than anyone else and all are here for His glory, whether they see it that way or not.
Sometimes my roommate and I don't talk, but we are in the same room, I love even that. Part of our relationship that I love, we know each other well enough that we don't have to constantly entertain or avoid each other. There is a happy medium and I love it. Just to have one's presence in the room just is so wonderful to me.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Questions, no answers....yet
Back in May my roommate and sister got engaged. I thought, oh, yeah, I have plenty of time to figure out what and where I'm at by the time my roommate gets married. I should know by then if I'm staying in Chicago, getting married or even if and who I will live with after she leaves.
We talked last night and it started to hit me that she is leaving SOON. End of February to be exact. Our lease is up April, I don't know what to do.
My job commitment was for a year, that is up in December, but at this point I have no reason to tell them I'm leaving, as far as they know, I'm staying.
End of February is not a great time for having a new roommate join the apartment, but something will work out.
Do I renew the lease? Or do I find a new place and move? Again the question of roommates, or should I find a place I can afford for myself? If I do move and keep my job, I probably would have to get a car. If I get a car, I have to get insurance.
If I were to move, the most logical location would be back to the neighborhood I lived in just after graduation. I end up out there three times at least a week now. But then, if I move out there, why not just apply for full time ministry with ICI?
But my heart's tug is to go overseas. I cannot ignore this. What am I suppose to do?
Recently the church I had been attending for almost 3 years stopped meeting, and most of my close friends are no longer in the city.
Now seems like the most logical time to go, but I am at such a loss as to what and where. There are so many options and I don't feel led to any. What am I suppose to do?
Just the things that are rolling around in my head...I am scared and uncertain... I know He is faithful... I know He will lead.... I know I have to trust Him.
We talked last night and it started to hit me that she is leaving SOON. End of February to be exact. Our lease is up April, I don't know what to do.
My job commitment was for a year, that is up in December, but at this point I have no reason to tell them I'm leaving, as far as they know, I'm staying.
End of February is not a great time for having a new roommate join the apartment, but something will work out.
Do I renew the lease? Or do I find a new place and move? Again the question of roommates, or should I find a place I can afford for myself? If I do move and keep my job, I probably would have to get a car. If I get a car, I have to get insurance.
If I were to move, the most logical location would be back to the neighborhood I lived in just after graduation. I end up out there three times at least a week now. But then, if I move out there, why not just apply for full time ministry with ICI?
But my heart's tug is to go overseas. I cannot ignore this. What am I suppose to do?
Recently the church I had been attending for almost 3 years stopped meeting, and most of my close friends are no longer in the city.
Now seems like the most logical time to go, but I am at such a loss as to what and where. There are so many options and I don't feel led to any. What am I suppose to do?
Just the things that are rolling around in my head...I am scared and uncertain... I know He is faithful... I know He will lead.... I know I have to trust Him.
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