Twenties

Does anyone else find life in the twenties hard? OH RIGHT LIFE IS HARD! I don't know what is wrong with me. I am so down. I think it is largely due to my lack of social interaction in the last week. I feel like I'm just living life, the routine things, and there isn't much meaning to it at all. Yeah, I guess I do miss my youth kids. I am ready for school to start back up and to have the normalish schedule back. So many times today I have thought about going to visit my sister and friends in New York, or how I'd like to travel the world, go camping, or so much other than where I am. And always my thoughts come back to that still small voice that whispers "be joyful where you are". I have been madly pushing that aside and wallowing in my self pity tonight. Wondering what in the world is wrong with me. Why do I try so hard to be friends with people, do I try too hard? Why am I single? Why do I live in Chicago? All of these questions are ok to have, but I can't let them get the best of me. Just yesterday I was telling my friend how I know God has me where I'm at for a reason. I don't see it all, but I know it is true. Even in the last 2 days I received random messages from people we've been witnessing to for a few years now. Through the brief interaction with them, the vision to pour into their lives more revisited my mind. I long for the day when I can move out to the neighborhood and have young people in my home constantly. The vision of seeing these people come to Christ. May that be my focus and be constantly reminded that God can and is using me now in their lives to plant seeds only He can water and bear the fruit. My heart is heavy for them. I want to see these three brothers come to Christ, their whole family and then all the friends they bring to the gym on Tuesdays. I want to see these girls who are incredibly smart and fun sold out for Jesus. I want to see every night of the week consumed with learning from the Word of God. The saints gathering together because Sunday just isn't enough time to learn all that we crave to know from God. I just have to remember that verse I have on the side of my blog ------> Habakkuk 2:3 Trust in the Lord's timing. ITs perfect, I am not. My plans fail. Constantly. The only Hope and actual Constant One I have is Christ. May He shine through my twenties too.

Stuck?

There are times this past week where I have felt extremely stuck in this city and in this place in life. I have loved living here so much. I love the people and I have recently really gotten plugged into my church which I just love. But my family is suffering. My dear mom is so sick and my brother broke his collar bone this past week. The other brother leaves for the Navy next week and my pastor dad is overwhelmed with his growing church full of hurting people. My mom texts me every day and says she wishes I was there to take care of her. I haven't been this homesick since my freshman year of college. It might be a mixture of all that's going on with my family and just feeling so confused about life right now. I feel so stuck. This job is crazy. What was I thinking? The only times during the year I actually do see my family are for Thanksgiving & Christmas, which of course are the busiest times for pies. I am so scared to ask about the holidays at work because I am sure any requested days off will be denied because of the busy season. Everyone at work is from close by. I cannot help but be sad that this could be the first Christmas I am not with my dear family. Christmas is suppose to be happy, and I honestly am not excited about this Christmas or have any happiness associated with it in my thinking. All that happens is deep sadness accompanied by tears. I know my church family would welcome me and I would have a million invites to celebrate with various families from church, but even then it would not be the same and I know I would have a hard time all day just trying to be happy for everyone. I would feel like I'm invading their family time too. I know this is part of growing up but it is just hard and been on my mind all week. We shall see what the next few months bring. Who knows, maybe they will fire me and I will have to find a new job! haha only God knows and that's all that really matters, His plan is way better than my mixed sad thoughts of what I do know. Even if I'm stuck I hope to be faithful to Him and to one day look back on this time with only praise for my King.