Today I ventured out for my third Cub game of the season.
This time again with co-workers, but different ones. As we stood on the ever-tightly crammed Red Line train, one of my co-workers took the time to pick the minds of these two single college graduates--me & my other co-worker.
What he asked and what he shared changed my perspective on where I am at in life right now. After we told him that we felt like we had disappointed ourselves because we are done with school and not married, he told us how he doesn't even know what that is like. His life has been a constant knowing what is next or being committed to taking care of people. He never had a chance to live on his own or live with a roommate outside of college & marriage. He never had the freedom to travel to wherever for however long--by himself. He doesn't know what my life is like.
I have always appreciated this particular friend of mine because he does bring interesting perspective to virtually every conversation. He has checked me many times and challenged me to re-think whatever I just spout out in the moment. Sadly he will be leaving the job and atmosphere he has known since he started college 11 years ago. I know I will miss him and his brotherly input in my life because I don't know my job without him there.
Anyways, the point of this post is that I really am blessed, not in a way that I am better than all my married friends, no not at all. I am blessed because this is where God wants me now. Wallowing in what the flip-side would be or what I do not have is not right. Sure I have my discouraging days and struggle often with loneliness, but all in all, I know I am loved. I am surrounded by people who are all about encouraging me and making sure they love me. My Father God is watching over me, He cares for me and He knows the deepest desires of my heart. He made me this way. He will continue what He put in place.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Teens
Tonight I watched two movies, back to back about teens seeking to be accepted by either an abusive boyfriend or sex. The second movie was saturated with teens having sex, so much that the entire high school in the movie was basically infested with syphilis.
The interesting thing is that watching these movies reminded me of high school and all my friends and everything that people would talk about Monday after the 'best weekend yet'.
What facinated me in these movies was the parents. They so desperately want to sheild ehtier children from the sex-saturated world we live in, and give them a proper/less skewed view on sex, but their curious children were caving under the pressure around them by friends or even just the culture itself.
It terrified me to watch and wonder what I would say to my own teenager. I have no idea. Whatever my parents told me must have helped, but is it true that some things like that skip generations? Like since my dad was a partier, and I was not, will my children be?
Maybe the answer lies in training them from a young age the values of waiting and saving sex for the confines of marriage and to not cave even though peer pressure is rough.
I guess I don't want my children to be majorly sheltered, but I do want them to know right from wrong and choose to follow Christ and live lives that honor Him in every decision they make.
It must be really hard and faith stretching to be a parent.
The interesting thing is that watching these movies reminded me of high school and all my friends and everything that people would talk about Monday after the 'best weekend yet'.
What facinated me in these movies was the parents. They so desperately want to sheild ehtier children from the sex-saturated world we live in, and give them a proper/less skewed view on sex, but their curious children were caving under the pressure around them by friends or even just the culture itself.
It terrified me to watch and wonder what I would say to my own teenager. I have no idea. Whatever my parents told me must have helped, but is it true that some things like that skip generations? Like since my dad was a partier, and I was not, will my children be?
Maybe the answer lies in training them from a young age the values of waiting and saving sex for the confines of marriage and to not cave even though peer pressure is rough.
I guess I don't want my children to be majorly sheltered, but I do want them to know right from wrong and choose to follow Christ and live lives that honor Him in every decision they make.
It must be really hard and faith stretching to be a parent.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Impatience
Screaming over and over, the same words, the same tone, and the same voice.
It went on all night long. Too faint to make out what was said, but the terror was clear. It wasn't a tantrum of a child, or a couple fondly in love, no it sounded as if someone was in trouble and in pain, or even remembering a past event of a very painful situation.
It woke me up several times. Fear swept over me and it took me a good half hour each time to fall back asleep.
All of this has hastened my prayers for a life partner. I do not enjoy being all alone without any physical presence of protection.
And then today, graduation, I thought I would sit with people from my church, and then they weren't coming. So I started thinking of people I could sit with (yet again frustrated that I didn't have someone to sit with and all my good girl friends were either graduating, or not coming). I texted 3 guys, all of which were extremely unhelpful in allowing me to join them. I decided I would just look around and find someone, and sure enough, there was one of my good married friends sitting with his parents and in-laws watching his wife graduate, and I got to sit with them! Which I am so thankful for.
I just am impatient and am really tired of doing life solo...even though I do rather enjoy it, there are times that I long for someone to share it with, even just their presence would be nice.
God, you know my heart, please comfort me in all my needs and help me to walk each day according to what Your will is for me, and help me to see that Your plan is perfect as is Your timing. Help me to trust you with all my doubts and fears!
It went on all night long. Too faint to make out what was said, but the terror was clear. It wasn't a tantrum of a child, or a couple fondly in love, no it sounded as if someone was in trouble and in pain, or even remembering a past event of a very painful situation.
It woke me up several times. Fear swept over me and it took me a good half hour each time to fall back asleep.
All of this has hastened my prayers for a life partner. I do not enjoy being all alone without any physical presence of protection.
And then today, graduation, I thought I would sit with people from my church, and then they weren't coming. So I started thinking of people I could sit with (yet again frustrated that I didn't have someone to sit with and all my good girl friends were either graduating, or not coming). I texted 3 guys, all of which were extremely unhelpful in allowing me to join them. I decided I would just look around and find someone, and sure enough, there was one of my good married friends sitting with his parents and in-laws watching his wife graduate, and I got to sit with them! Which I am so thankful for.
I just am impatient and am really tired of doing life solo...even though I do rather enjoy it, there are times that I long for someone to share it with, even just their presence would be nice.
God, you know my heart, please comfort me in all my needs and help me to walk each day according to what Your will is for me, and help me to see that Your plan is perfect as is Your timing. Help me to trust you with all my doubts and fears!
Monday, May 9, 2011
What...?
Just about everyday I get asked these two questions:
What will you even do this summer? (Will there be work for you?)
-and/or-
How long will you be working at Moody?
My response to the first question is usually a nicer form of saying, "Well, I wasn't planning on being homeless and hungry this summer."
My response to the next question is usually, "I have no idea. I love my job. I want to be a wife. I want to be a missionary. I guess I'm just waiting on God to see what He has for me next, for now I'm serving Him here."
I'm sure those who inquire mean well, I just get a little frustrated because it appears my answers (specifically for the second question) are not good enough.
As of lately I think about 'the world outside Moody' and where God may take me.
Last night my roommate asked if I've ever thought of culinary school. I have, but not in too much depth because of the cost. And well, we all know, I really don't like going to school and sitting in a class room, but just to be optimistic, maybe culinary school isn't a learning experience I've ever had. I asked a friend today about his experience at culinary school, and any suggestions he had for me about the possibility, he encouraged me to check out getting a certificate as a pastry chef. I would love that.
Another thing I toss around every few weeks is being an RA or cook at Black Forest Academy (BFA, an international school) in Germany. Again today a friend asked what I'm doing after Moody, and I told him about how I have been accepted to BFA, but that was back when I first took my job at Moody and committed to a year with them. So I guess it is still a consideration in my mind.
So I guess these things are what play in my mind every once in a while when I see December coming in a few months (lol), meaning that my 'one year' at Moody will be up... do I go, do I stay? Only God will show the way and that will only be through waiting and passing of time! For now I serve Him in the mindset of Philippians 2:14-15
Do all things without grumbling or disputing;so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,
What will you even do this summer? (Will there be work for you?)
-and/or-
How long will you be working at Moody?
My response to the first question is usually a nicer form of saying, "Well, I wasn't planning on being homeless and hungry this summer."
My response to the next question is usually, "I have no idea. I love my job. I want to be a wife. I want to be a missionary. I guess I'm just waiting on God to see what He has for me next, for now I'm serving Him here."
I'm sure those who inquire mean well, I just get a little frustrated because it appears my answers (specifically for the second question) are not good enough.
As of lately I think about 'the world outside Moody' and where God may take me.
Last night my roommate asked if I've ever thought of culinary school. I have, but not in too much depth because of the cost. And well, we all know, I really don't like going to school and sitting in a class room, but just to be optimistic, maybe culinary school isn't a learning experience I've ever had. I asked a friend today about his experience at culinary school, and any suggestions he had for me about the possibility, he encouraged me to check out getting a certificate as a pastry chef. I would love that.
Another thing I toss around every few weeks is being an RA or cook at Black Forest Academy (BFA, an international school) in Germany. Again today a friend asked what I'm doing after Moody, and I told him about how I have been accepted to BFA, but that was back when I first took my job at Moody and committed to a year with them. So I guess it is still a consideration in my mind.
So I guess these things are what play in my mind every once in a while when I see December coming in a few months (lol), meaning that my 'one year' at Moody will be up... do I go, do I stay? Only God will show the way and that will only be through waiting and passing of time! For now I serve Him in the mindset of Philippians 2:14-15
Do all things without grumbling or disputing;so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Spring Spring!
Oh Sun Please Shine! I think tomorrow I may go for a walk outside in the radiance of the rays, so sun, please shine!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Capture
My heart is so full
and I want you to know
how beautiful you are
how much you are cared for
Please hear as He calls you
come to Him
He wants you
Come as you are
Turn from the glistening things of this place
Join the family
He wants you, come to Him
He is waiting for you
Is there anyway you will turn
and truly see the light?
Can I say anything more?
I want you to know how beautiful you are
I want you to know He loves you
more than anyone in this world
Seek Him
He will not fail
His love is perfect
His love is strong
His love changes
His love is real
and I want you to know
how beautiful you are
how much you are cared for
Please hear as He calls you
come to Him
He wants you
Come as you are
Turn from the glistening things of this place
Join the family
He wants you, come to Him
He is waiting for you
Is there anyway you will turn
and truly see the light?
Can I say anything more?
I want you to know how beautiful you are
I want you to know He loves you
more than anyone in this world
Seek Him
He will not fail
His love is perfect
His love is strong
His love changes
His love is real
Challenge
As defined by the dictionary:
Challenge
–noun
1.
a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
2.
something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc.: Space exploration offers a challenge to humankind.
3.
a call to fight, as a battle, a duel, etc.
4.
a demand to explain, justify, etc.: a challenge to the treasurer to itemize expenditures.
5.
difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it.
6.
Military . the demand of a sentry for identification or a countersign.
I have found myself using this word multiple times a day and in various conversations in the last few days. I notice that recently I have been challenged to be more intentional and even that is challenging. I am learning that to be challenged is not a bad thing, it is good. I feel that sometimes when it seems I've been challenged it is by the Holy Spirit; He is stretching me to go out of my comfort and do something more than I am now.
This weekend away at camp with the kids of the city was a challenge. Not only in the sense that I was one of two people out of a group of 35 that was white, but also just culturally, I was way out of my so called element.
But again, even with this challenge, I was reminded the importance of flexibility in ministry and life. Challenges are not to be avoided or even to run from, but are to be taken (usually) face on and with confidence. There were moments on this camping trip that I was incredibly uncomfortable and knew that the kids thought I was crazy, but all I could do was respond in love and confidence that I have in Him.
Even just talking with Clive for a few hours there and back was a reminder to me of the recent challenges the Spirit has been revealing in my life. I am encouraged through conversation with Clive, Carlos, Gerald & Confessor that inner city ministry is rough and challenging, but not meaningless.
To end this post I just want to share what Carlos told our kids last night during our Bible time, we talked about church and 'challenged' them to start meeting and studying the Bible with us. Carlos presented the church to us with the focus on a family aspect rather than the building, title or location. With this mindset of church and knowing the backgrounds of the kids present he said this:
"Come to God, He changes the DNA. You don't have to get right before getting to God, come to Him and He'll change you. God wants to adopt you into His family."
If you read this and follow Christ, please pray for those who heard this and know what we are all about, pray that their hearts would soften and desire to go deeper.
If you read this and do not know Him, read that again, I challenge you to come to Him, despite all that is going on in your life and your past, Come to God, He CHANGES DNA! He makes you HIS OWN!
Challenge
–noun
1.
a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
2.
something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc.: Space exploration offers a challenge to humankind.
3.
a call to fight, as a battle, a duel, etc.
4.
a demand to explain, justify, etc.: a challenge to the treasurer to itemize expenditures.
5.
difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it.
6.
Military . the demand of a sentry for identification or a countersign.
I have found myself using this word multiple times a day and in various conversations in the last few days. I notice that recently I have been challenged to be more intentional and even that is challenging. I am learning that to be challenged is not a bad thing, it is good. I feel that sometimes when it seems I've been challenged it is by the Holy Spirit; He is stretching me to go out of my comfort and do something more than I am now.
This weekend away at camp with the kids of the city was a challenge. Not only in the sense that I was one of two people out of a group of 35 that was white, but also just culturally, I was way out of my so called element.
But again, even with this challenge, I was reminded the importance of flexibility in ministry and life. Challenges are not to be avoided or even to run from, but are to be taken (usually) face on and with confidence. There were moments on this camping trip that I was incredibly uncomfortable and knew that the kids thought I was crazy, but all I could do was respond in love and confidence that I have in Him.
Even just talking with Clive for a few hours there and back was a reminder to me of the recent challenges the Spirit has been revealing in my life. I am encouraged through conversation with Clive, Carlos, Gerald & Confessor that inner city ministry is rough and challenging, but not meaningless.
To end this post I just want to share what Carlos told our kids last night during our Bible time, we talked about church and 'challenged' them to start meeting and studying the Bible with us. Carlos presented the church to us with the focus on a family aspect rather than the building, title or location. With this mindset of church and knowing the backgrounds of the kids present he said this:
"Come to God, He changes the DNA. You don't have to get right before getting to God, come to Him and He'll change you. God wants to adopt you into His family."
If you read this and follow Christ, please pray for those who heard this and know what we are all about, pray that their hearts would soften and desire to go deeper.
If you read this and do not know Him, read that again, I challenge you to come to Him, despite all that is going on in your life and your past, Come to God, He CHANGES DNA! He makes you HIS OWN!
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