Three weeks left at Moody. So many things to get done. My mind is lost in a whirl of thoughts about saying good-bye to friends, standing up at the last Monday Morning Meeting and addressing my peers that I love so much, packing up my room and moving it all to temporary housing, dealing with my family when they come for graduation, listening to my roommate and loving her, dealing with the hurts and pains from the floor, and the ever popular thought: GUYS.
Yeah. GUYS. I just wish that sometime a guy would cross my path and he would come over to me, like say, tomorrow, it is convenient after all, tomorrow is Friday, and he would say "Hey, doing anything tonight? Want to go out with me for ice cream?" Yeah, then I would of course agree because how could I turn down someone even making the attempt to ask me out?? Even if it was nothing but fun, I would love that. Tonight I just feel so badly to be valued by a guy and be more than just a friend who laughs and has fun or has conversations about the same things all the time. Who am I to these guys? I think they're amazing and have such Godly character! How do they see me? Am I not pretty enough, too tough, too much of a farm girl, too silly? These are the questions that fill my mind as I interact with guy after guy wondering what they think about when they talk to me. Are they dropping hints, but I don't pick up on any of it? Or am I to be more blatenly obvious with them and say "Why don't you just ask me out on a date before I graduate??" Are they scared? If so, of what? I'm gonna be gone in a few weeks, isn't that ok to risk it and hey, even if nothing 'serous' comes from it, at least we can deepen our friendship right? What's wrong with that?
Well here's the rants of a senior who has gone on 'dates' but has never been asked out by a guy who initiated it all.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Power of Jesus
Tonight I watched the movie "The Box" with some friends and although I was greatly disappointed and did not expect it to be the type of movie it was, I came away marveled by the spiritual power presented throughout the movie. Even if it was psychologically involved, and had some sort of aliens or something, it was very spiritual. Very powerful. The words of the song In Christ Alone rang through my mind as my friends & I prayed at the end of the movie. "No power of Hell, no scheme of man, shall ever pluck me from His hand, 'til He returns or calls me home,here in the power of Christ I’ll stand". My safety and security rests in Christ. I belong to HIM. HE Has won the VICTORY over the darkness of this world, HE has DEFEATED THE DEVIL AND THE POWER OF DEATH! That is what this not only what this thing called Easter is all about, but what my life is all about. My life has been bought and purchased by the blood of Christ and I belong to Him. HE is always with me, people fail me, things fail me, money fails me, the ONLY constant in my life, my only security is Him. Oh the peace He give, oh the Comfort I feel, even just knowing His Love makes each day worth getting out of bed. May I glory in my Redeemer, who's priceless blood was shed for me!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Dreams & Thoughts
Some things that have been on my mind this week or a little more:
1. I hope that we only have breakfast food in Heaven, because I love it for all the meals of the day!
2. I want to be that mom that buys all natural things, reads all the labels of food to make sure there are less preservatives, and then I'll encourage my children to play in the mud all they like. And not care if they eat some.
3. If the Lord gives me children to train on how to live in this world, some basic life things I'll teach them are: how to listen & think before speaking, how to do their own laundry, how to cook, how to check the oil in their car, how to thread a needle, how to work hard, and how to love people through these things---> so that God is glorified through their daily lives.
4. some days as I'm walking around running errands, I dream that a big strong guy is right by my side. At night, I imagine that Jesus is the one right next to me and that everyone else walking by can see Him next to me.
5. If it were possible to at least visit every country of the world for at least 2 weeks each, I would totally do it.
6. I catch myself daydreaming often of my own apartment/home. Full of my own things, then I realize how selfish I am.
7. I love to write people little notes, but it doesn't happen as much anymore. :(
8. Most of the valuable things in life I have learned have been from my dad.
9. I really like filling out paper work for various things.
10. Old people are some of the best people. I want to be a fun grandma lady who bakes cookies for all the kids and grown-ups all the time.
11. If it was possible, I would buy a house, organize some system and help all the homeless people who want to get off the streets of Chicago.
12. My dream job would be to travel all over the world and visit in order to offer encouragement to my many friends who are and will be missionaries all over.
13. When I have a home of my own, I want there to be an open-door policy; for it to be a welcoming, joyous place.
I'm sure there is more, I'll have to add some if I think of any more.
1. I hope that we only have breakfast food in Heaven, because I love it for all the meals of the day!
2. I want to be that mom that buys all natural things, reads all the labels of food to make sure there are less preservatives, and then I'll encourage my children to play in the mud all they like. And not care if they eat some.
3. If the Lord gives me children to train on how to live in this world, some basic life things I'll teach them are: how to listen & think before speaking, how to do their own laundry, how to cook, how to check the oil in their car, how to thread a needle, how to work hard, and how to love people through these things---> so that God is glorified through their daily lives.
4. some days as I'm walking around running errands, I dream that a big strong guy is right by my side. At night, I imagine that Jesus is the one right next to me and that everyone else walking by can see Him next to me.
5. If it were possible to at least visit every country of the world for at least 2 weeks each, I would totally do it.
6. I catch myself daydreaming often of my own apartment/home. Full of my own things, then I realize how selfish I am.
7. I love to write people little notes, but it doesn't happen as much anymore. :(
8. Most of the valuable things in life I have learned have been from my dad.
9. I really like filling out paper work for various things.
10. Old people are some of the best people. I want to be a fun grandma lady who bakes cookies for all the kids and grown-ups all the time.
11. If it was possible, I would buy a house, organize some system and help all the homeless people who want to get off the streets of Chicago.
12. My dream job would be to travel all over the world and visit in order to offer encouragement to my many friends who are and will be missionaries all over.
13. When I have a home of my own, I want there to be an open-door policy; for it to be a welcoming, joyous place.
I'm sure there is more, I'll have to add some if I think of any more.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The Love of God
Today I found myself surrounded by wonderful friends. I had lunch with Steve, which was incredible. Just having casual conversation and sharing what God has been teaching us. Then I went home with Tim where we met Joanna and then had smoothies, went for a delightful walk, ate dinner, and talked for hours! I LOVED it all so much and I seriously feel so refreshed and encouraged by them all. How can it be that God loves me so much to give me such wonderful people to cross paths with at this point in my life? I feel so loved.
I also cannot help but wish that maybe one day I can be missionaries with the Hanlons. I would love that. Lord, please direct, show us where to go and what to do. If it is Your will, I would love to be missionaries with Tim & Joanna. Help us to strive after You one day at a time and trust in Your perfect plan. Lord have Your way and use Your willing servants!
I have been so down lately about being single and trying to understand what that means and what the Bible says about it rather than what the world and my Christian community is telling me. All I can figure out is that I must be satisfied in God alone and seek after Him. I cannot cling to the hope that maybe one day a man will come into my life, so I guess I am learning to know what it looks like to be content with where God has me now and to not hold onto that hope, but hope in Him! I feel like I'm definitely wrestling with God on this one, and I still don't quite understand it all. Just being with Steve, Tim & Joanna today has really helped and encouraged me as I fight through this with Jesus. I know He is right there with me and He is using others in my life to teach me what I need to know.
I love you Lord. Thanks for so clearly showing Your love to me today!
I also cannot help but wish that maybe one day I can be missionaries with the Hanlons. I would love that. Lord, please direct, show us where to go and what to do. If it is Your will, I would love to be missionaries with Tim & Joanna. Help us to strive after You one day at a time and trust in Your perfect plan. Lord have Your way and use Your willing servants!
I have been so down lately about being single and trying to understand what that means and what the Bible says about it rather than what the world and my Christian community is telling me. All I can figure out is that I must be satisfied in God alone and seek after Him. I cannot cling to the hope that maybe one day a man will come into my life, so I guess I am learning to know what it looks like to be content with where God has me now and to not hold onto that hope, but hope in Him! I feel like I'm definitely wrestling with God on this one, and I still don't quite understand it all. Just being with Steve, Tim & Joanna today has really helped and encouraged me as I fight through this with Jesus. I know He is right there with me and He is using others in my life to teach me what I need to know.
I love you Lord. Thanks for so clearly showing Your love to me today!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Learning Frustrations
I learned yesterday through talking with my mom that I am a kinesthetic learner. And as I think about that more, I feel like I am so alone. Am I the only person who learns this way? I am so frustrated. I just don't understand why when there are different learning styles how those people can just be expected to mesh into the rest of the cookie-cutter-system. How have I made it this far? I feel like a failure when I do not match up to the standards of my professors or classmates. What is the point if I'm not even learning anything? And then what do I do since this is a struggle for me when I see that there is no effort being made to teach to the differences?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Jesus Paid it ALL
At Moody, the first week of February is devoted to a large annual conference in celebration of our founder, D. L. Moody. This past ‘Founder’s Week’ I had the opportunity to work as an usher at the main church where the sessions were held. I was stationed at a main door to the massive auditorium. Joo Seong (my new Korean friend) and I welcomed the guests beginning Monday night and continued through the morning and night sessions until Friday evening. There were regular people who came through our doors each session, and we became familiar with people and greeted them accordingly.
Thursday morning rolled around. I was tired, I’m sure Joo Seong was tired too. He got up to assist a guest during the middle of the second sermon. At this time, one of our regular guests approached me and sat down in Joo Seong’s seat. This man (who I later learned is named Rocky) then said, “Can I ask you a question?” Of course, I said yes, expecting that his question would be conference related. To my surprise, he asked, “Have you ever considered going to Israel?” My hesitated response was, “…Um, yeah, I guess so…” To that he proceeded to tell me that he had just talked to some people and he was going to pay my way to go on a study tour trip with Moody to Israel this coming May. I sat there stunned, and speechless.
His next concern was if my parents would allow me to participate in such a trip, and if they would be fine with it. To that I assured him they would be okay. Somehow I managed to ask him “Why me? Are you sure?” “Because my wife’s name is Rebecca” was his answer. Rocky went back to his seat, and I sat through the rest of the sermon stunned. I told Joo Seong, and I think he was about as shocked as I was! My immediate thoughts were that I do not deserve such a gift as this, but that I know how God works on people’s hearts at things like this conference. I could not deny this man’s gift because he is probably acting out of obedience to God to give this to someone. I just feel so undeserving! So many of my friends have wanted to go to Israel, and I honestly have not thought about it a ton. I feel like they should be the ones going not me.
As the congregation sang the last song, Rocky came back to me again and said we should go out to the Israel booth and get me signed up! I had to tell him when I would get off work, and arranged to meet him in the lobby when I was off the clock. I dismissed it all, until I was straightening up the aisles and he came up to me in urgency. He had the registration card all filled out with his information and told me to sign by his name and put my address on the card, and I would be good to go. I did, then it hit me, this is really legit! I told my supervisor, just because I had to tell someone what had just happened.
That night I wrote a thank you note to this gracious man because I did not know if I would ever see him again, and thought it was only appropriate to thank him and let him know about me a little more too. I had just been accepted to Avant Ministries on Monday night of the same week, so I explained to him a little bit of my future goals of going through orientation with Avant in July and hoping to go to Italy, Rome area for church planting in a few years. I also shared with him a little bit of the financial struggle I have been in for my last semester. I told him how God has really used this time of uncertainty with money to bring me closer to Himself and seek Him more sincerely. It has definitely been a time of growth for me. I have found such peace in knowing that whatever God has planned will work out for His glory, and that I must accept it even if the outcome or means of getting there looks different than what I had in mind.
Friday rolled around, and I gave my thank you note to Rocky. I then saw him and his daughter at lunch, they let me eat with them and I learned more about them. He is a now retired Moody alumnus who went through the aviation program and then became a flight inspector for many many years. With the credit he received by working for the airlines, he was able to travel all over. His favorite place to go was Israel. Not only is his wife named Rebecca, but his daughter, the second of five children also shares my name.
His daughter got up from the table to get some coffee. Rocky then asked if I would like to take a roommate along with me on this trip. I again found myself speechless! He told me to think about it and if I decided to have a roommate, he would pay for them to go too! I told my dear friend and roommate, Shannon, and she was shocked, but agreed to be my roommate! She is now signed up too.
That night, the last session closed, and people poured out of the auditorium doors past Joo Seong and I. Rocky walked up with a smile on his face, but stopped to whisper in my ear. The man who had just preached touched on debt and tried to help us understand how much debt America is in. Rocky asked if I heard that sermon and then proceeded to ask me if I still had debt because of my school bill that I wrote about in my note to him. I told him I did, and he then asked how much. I told him, and his reply was, “I’ll take care of it all.” I received a check in the mail a few days ago covering all of my school bill debt! His words in the letter he sent are this, “I believe we should heed the Word and ‘owe no man anything’”.
As most of you know, my final semester at Moody began with me having no idea where the money would come from to pay it all off – ideally debt free. Thank you to those of you who joined with me in prayer and who gave encouragement, I have been touched by your kindness!
This story I share with you is not about me. I want to make that clear. I was going about my work just like everyone else that day and some reason, God decided that I was to receive this gift from Rocky. Through this overwhelming change of events in my life in the last few weeks, I have seen God’s grace in a different way.
Whatever your thoughts are now as you have read what has happened in my life, my hope is that you will see God at work through this. Grace is being given a gift that is not deserved. People are eternally destined to utter separation from God, this is Hell, and we deserve Hell because of sin. There is absolutely nothing people can do on their own to merit communion with God. Jesus is the One who changed it all. He came and sacrificed Himself for anyone who would believe that He was the One who could take away the sins of the world and bring people into that desired communion with God the Father. He died on the cross, but even more, He conquered death by rising from the dead. He paid ALL the debt that we owe; He did this because He loves people. He desired to see the relationship between man and God restored to its original design.
Through Rocky’s abundant gifts, I have now felt in a deeper way God’s grace. When I was a young child I asked God to forgive my sins and take me as His child. I don’t know what it is like to not have God involved in my every decision and every day life. All I can tell you is that walking with Him is not easy, but so fulfilling. Everything else on this earth will pass away and burn, but my God will remain, He is the only source of true joy and fulfillment. In Him lies my security and hope. Humans will fail me, jobs will fail me, money will fail me, but my God never fails!
I had to share this with you because if you are reading this it means that God has used you in my life to teach me something and draw me closer to Him. It is my prayer that this picture of His graciousness to me will draw you closer to Him and bring glory to His name alone. It is all about Him.
Thursday morning rolled around. I was tired, I’m sure Joo Seong was tired too. He got up to assist a guest during the middle of the second sermon. At this time, one of our regular guests approached me and sat down in Joo Seong’s seat. This man (who I later learned is named Rocky) then said, “Can I ask you a question?” Of course, I said yes, expecting that his question would be conference related. To my surprise, he asked, “Have you ever considered going to Israel?” My hesitated response was, “…Um, yeah, I guess so…” To that he proceeded to tell me that he had just talked to some people and he was going to pay my way to go on a study tour trip with Moody to Israel this coming May. I sat there stunned, and speechless.
His next concern was if my parents would allow me to participate in such a trip, and if they would be fine with it. To that I assured him they would be okay. Somehow I managed to ask him “Why me? Are you sure?” “Because my wife’s name is Rebecca” was his answer. Rocky went back to his seat, and I sat through the rest of the sermon stunned. I told Joo Seong, and I think he was about as shocked as I was! My immediate thoughts were that I do not deserve such a gift as this, but that I know how God works on people’s hearts at things like this conference. I could not deny this man’s gift because he is probably acting out of obedience to God to give this to someone. I just feel so undeserving! So many of my friends have wanted to go to Israel, and I honestly have not thought about it a ton. I feel like they should be the ones going not me.
As the congregation sang the last song, Rocky came back to me again and said we should go out to the Israel booth and get me signed up! I had to tell him when I would get off work, and arranged to meet him in the lobby when I was off the clock. I dismissed it all, until I was straightening up the aisles and he came up to me in urgency. He had the registration card all filled out with his information and told me to sign by his name and put my address on the card, and I would be good to go. I did, then it hit me, this is really legit! I told my supervisor, just because I had to tell someone what had just happened.
That night I wrote a thank you note to this gracious man because I did not know if I would ever see him again, and thought it was only appropriate to thank him and let him know about me a little more too. I had just been accepted to Avant Ministries on Monday night of the same week, so I explained to him a little bit of my future goals of going through orientation with Avant in July and hoping to go to Italy, Rome area for church planting in a few years. I also shared with him a little bit of the financial struggle I have been in for my last semester. I told him how God has really used this time of uncertainty with money to bring me closer to Himself and seek Him more sincerely. It has definitely been a time of growth for me. I have found such peace in knowing that whatever God has planned will work out for His glory, and that I must accept it even if the outcome or means of getting there looks different than what I had in mind.
Friday rolled around, and I gave my thank you note to Rocky. I then saw him and his daughter at lunch, they let me eat with them and I learned more about them. He is a now retired Moody alumnus who went through the aviation program and then became a flight inspector for many many years. With the credit he received by working for the airlines, he was able to travel all over. His favorite place to go was Israel. Not only is his wife named Rebecca, but his daughter, the second of five children also shares my name.
His daughter got up from the table to get some coffee. Rocky then asked if I would like to take a roommate along with me on this trip. I again found myself speechless! He told me to think about it and if I decided to have a roommate, he would pay for them to go too! I told my dear friend and roommate, Shannon, and she was shocked, but agreed to be my roommate! She is now signed up too.
That night, the last session closed, and people poured out of the auditorium doors past Joo Seong and I. Rocky walked up with a smile on his face, but stopped to whisper in my ear. The man who had just preached touched on debt and tried to help us understand how much debt America is in. Rocky asked if I heard that sermon and then proceeded to ask me if I still had debt because of my school bill that I wrote about in my note to him. I told him I did, and he then asked how much. I told him, and his reply was, “I’ll take care of it all.” I received a check in the mail a few days ago covering all of my school bill debt! His words in the letter he sent are this, “I believe we should heed the Word and ‘owe no man anything’”.
As most of you know, my final semester at Moody began with me having no idea where the money would come from to pay it all off – ideally debt free. Thank you to those of you who joined with me in prayer and who gave encouragement, I have been touched by your kindness!
This story I share with you is not about me. I want to make that clear. I was going about my work just like everyone else that day and some reason, God decided that I was to receive this gift from Rocky. Through this overwhelming change of events in my life in the last few weeks, I have seen God’s grace in a different way.
Whatever your thoughts are now as you have read what has happened in my life, my hope is that you will see God at work through this. Grace is being given a gift that is not deserved. People are eternally destined to utter separation from God, this is Hell, and we deserve Hell because of sin. There is absolutely nothing people can do on their own to merit communion with God. Jesus is the One who changed it all. He came and sacrificed Himself for anyone who would believe that He was the One who could take away the sins of the world and bring people into that desired communion with God the Father. He died on the cross, but even more, He conquered death by rising from the dead. He paid ALL the debt that we owe; He did this because He loves people. He desired to see the relationship between man and God restored to its original design.
Through Rocky’s abundant gifts, I have now felt in a deeper way God’s grace. When I was a young child I asked God to forgive my sins and take me as His child. I don’t know what it is like to not have God involved in my every decision and every day life. All I can tell you is that walking with Him is not easy, but so fulfilling. Everything else on this earth will pass away and burn, but my God will remain, He is the only source of true joy and fulfillment. In Him lies my security and hope. Humans will fail me, jobs will fail me, money will fail me, but my God never fails!
I had to share this with you because if you are reading this it means that God has used you in my life to teach me something and draw me closer to Him. It is my prayer that this picture of His graciousness to me will draw you closer to Him and bring glory to His name alone. It is all about Him.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Provider and Protector
The last week has been a roller coaster spiritually. Monday started with some intense times of prayer and conversations with friends and ended in tears as I was told that if I did not have a large sum of money to Moody by Monday, February 1, I would basically be dropped from school. My faith has been stretched in so many ways since Monday.
I have never had a week like this where most of my assignments were not completed or even started the day they were due. Some things I still haven't even gotten to. That is so hard for me, and have been overwhelmed thinking about all of that all day. The picture in my head for this semester so far is a swimmer in water, choking to try to keep from drowning, but it doesn't look promising.
And the friends who I walk by on my way to this or that who shout out "I'm praying for you!" have been so encouraging! I am blown away at how many people have told me that. I have been convicted of my prayer life. I don't go to Him as much as I should. He is never away from me, I should turn to Him more.
Then there are the friends who are choosing to help with my financial situation which have just blown my mind. People who in my mind, are the least likely to do something or be able to do something in this way. I am so encouraged and know that their gifts are only from God.
My friend told me the other day to remember that God is beyond capable of giving me all the money I need for this semester, but to remember that He has the best idea in mind for me now. HE will work it all out in His plan, however that will be. I have found deep, unexplainable peace resting in that and knowing that His provision may not be in the form we think it will and that whatever happens will be for the glory of God.
I feel like this week has been heavy in the learning department of my spiritual walk, but not so much in the classroom. Is that bad? Should I search for the balance?
I guess I need to trust God to provide motivation and desire to study just as He has provided for the finances. And if He is in the business of doing things 'upside down' according to the human mind, how is He going to work this one out? I look forward with anticipation of my Big God in what He will do with this area of my life right now. He has something in mind!
The other thing I wrestle with as I write now is the constant battle I face all day long as a single female. I am realizing that I search so much for approval or satisfaction or protection from guys. Maybe that is natural, but I see it as a weakness of mine and I want it to change. I feel though that it is so much a part of who I am that I don't even know where to start with this one. May I be content in knowing that God is so affectionate for me, His love for me is like a hurricane, and He protects me better than any man or human can! Lord, make me never forget these promises and cling to You for safety and security!
I have never had a week like this where most of my assignments were not completed or even started the day they were due. Some things I still haven't even gotten to. That is so hard for me, and have been overwhelmed thinking about all of that all day. The picture in my head for this semester so far is a swimmer in water, choking to try to keep from drowning, but it doesn't look promising.
And the friends who I walk by on my way to this or that who shout out "I'm praying for you!" have been so encouraging! I am blown away at how many people have told me that. I have been convicted of my prayer life. I don't go to Him as much as I should. He is never away from me, I should turn to Him more.
Then there are the friends who are choosing to help with my financial situation which have just blown my mind. People who in my mind, are the least likely to do something or be able to do something in this way. I am so encouraged and know that their gifts are only from God.
My friend told me the other day to remember that God is beyond capable of giving me all the money I need for this semester, but to remember that He has the best idea in mind for me now. HE will work it all out in His plan, however that will be. I have found deep, unexplainable peace resting in that and knowing that His provision may not be in the form we think it will and that whatever happens will be for the glory of God.
I feel like this week has been heavy in the learning department of my spiritual walk, but not so much in the classroom. Is that bad? Should I search for the balance?
I guess I need to trust God to provide motivation and desire to study just as He has provided for the finances. And if He is in the business of doing things 'upside down' according to the human mind, how is He going to work this one out? I look forward with anticipation of my Big God in what He will do with this area of my life right now. He has something in mind!
The other thing I wrestle with as I write now is the constant battle I face all day long as a single female. I am realizing that I search so much for approval or satisfaction or protection from guys. Maybe that is natural, but I see it as a weakness of mine and I want it to change. I feel though that it is so much a part of who I am that I don't even know where to start with this one. May I be content in knowing that God is so affectionate for me, His love for me is like a hurricane, and He protects me better than any man or human can! Lord, make me never forget these promises and cling to You for safety and security!
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