Take God at His Word, He will NOT fail!

Yesterday was a day of reassurance for me as I sat through the first session of Avant's Candidate Orientation Program. I was assured that all my feelings of hesitancy, fear, and uncertainty were somewhat normal and wise to feel. It is good to have questions and seek the Lord for His direction and confirmation about where and what He wants me to do.

The lingering fear throughout the day yesterday though was that of letting people down despite the decision I make. I was constantly having to remind myself however, that in following God, no one can argue with Him because what He directs is the way I will go.

Today the message was clear, even in subtle ways that maybe only I saw and that was simply the Spirit speaking to my heart, but over and over I heard "He will not fail you! He who has made it known that you will serve Him will NOT let you down!" What a comfort that was and is to me today. I feel like I have always known that to be true, but today specifically I needed to hear that.

Just hearing that was so freeing for me to open up and actually share with people what is going on and allow for real conversations to take place. I don't know the answer yet, all I know with all confidence is that I am to serve my God. In what capacity that is still to be determined, but He will let me know. He has been so faithful in the past, there is no room for me to doubt that He will make His plan clear for me when His time is right. As for now, today, July 13, 2010, I pursue plans with Avant, knowing that at any moment the Lord can and will change that if He desires me to do something else. I have no clue what that means for Luke & I, I have no clue about the time line of things for even the next few months, all I know for certain is my God will not let me down, He will not leave me, He will not fail me, and I am His.

I am Yours Father, take me where You want me.

"Strip away all that remains for Your glory and Your Name
'til there's nothing left of me
Burn the kingdoms I have made that You would shine
And I would fade 'til there's nothing left of me
'til there's nothing left of me"
(Nothing Left of Me by Joel Engle)

relaxation?

A few of the things on earth I really take pleasure in:

A clean, spotless kitchen
A tidy, clean bathroom
A home-cooked meal shared with others
Cleaning clutter and throwing things away
Writing thank you notes... 2 months late... oops!
A cool breezy room to sleep in at night

For some reason tonight I had the cleaning bug and the apartment is looking and smelling better. Much still needs to be done, but it is not bothering me as much anymore. Amazing how freeing it is to do all those things I said above. Just helps me think clearer... maybe? Or perhaps, it is just a way to relax? I began watching Sweet Home Alabama, but had to just keep cleaning. :)

Jeremiah 29:11

This verse rang through my head tonight as I walked from dinner with Rome teammates to see Luke. I don't even know what to feel or think right now and the words of truth in Jeremiah 29:11 are such a comfort knowing that He has a plan for me, a future of hope, plans that will not harm me, plans to protect and provide and encourage. If I seek Him with all of my heart I will find Him. That is what I want, maybe that is why I'm struggling right now with feeling mixed about all that is going on in my life. I need to cast it at His feet and just live day by day in surrender to Him. I must seek Him with all that I am. He is the only One worth it to make life satisfying and bring about completeness. My identity is in Him and that is all that matters. He is the One who puts the smile on my face each morning and gives me motivation to make it through each day. He is the reason I live. The kids song "If I Were a Butterfly" has been an encouragement to me this week. The words "I just want to thank You Father for making me me! Because You gave me a heart, and You gave me my smile, You gave me Jesus and You made me Your child, and I just want to thank You Father for making me me! Those words I have heard since I was a child but it wasn't until last Saturday that I heard that song by a little girl in my church that I began to think about the immense truth in those words! What a declaration! That is really who I am! I should be thinking more about who Christ is and who I am to conform to, rather than all my short-comings and failures that can be so blinding.

Lord please have Your way in my life. Give discernment and show me where to walk. I give myself to You. My greatest desire is to serve You. You are my passion and reason to live.

Six Weeks

Six weeks is a long time to get to know someone new. A year ago today my new friend at the time were wandering around a foreign city with other new friends from different parts of the world. The only thing that brought us together was Jesus.

Six weeks. Did I even realize how special this person was in my life when I met her for the first time? Did I realize that she would be the only other real friend I stay in contact with via phone?

Now as I just hung up that phone after catching up on life, I realize just how blessed I am to have her in my life. Each time I talk with her I feel refreshed and encouraged to look at life a little differently. She did that tonight, she worded my thoughts so well and helped me to know what to ask God for in a more clear, distinct manner.

I long for relationships like this where people spurn one another on. Oh how we need that. Isn't that what we are called to? Isn't that what discipleship is? Following Jesus and helping others follow Him? Sounds good, sign me up.

Thank You God for Janae, oh how You have used her in my life to show me more of Yourself. If all my internship did in the positive light was Janae, I am thankful for that!

Little did I know that six weeks would be enough time to connect so deeply with someone and in such a way that most of my other friends cannot relate.

End

Looking back I have no regrets. This semester has been wonderful. It has been rough. There were parts that have been the hardest of my life yet. But through it all, I do not regret a single one of the struggles or 'bumps' thrown on the road. God has proven Himself yet faithful again and again, over and over again. He never fails. He is the One who makes things happen, good and bad but always for His Glory. It sometimes just takes time to see the beauty after the ashes. It takes time to see the reasons for the hard stuff.

The beginning of this semester I prayed specifics about getting involved in lives of girls on my floor. God has answered that with an emphatic YES! He has put girls naturally into my daily life who have been such an encouragement to me and who have been there through some of the roughest stuff. He has also provided younger girls to pour into and learn from as well. That has been huge. I am so thankful to Him for these girls.

I could go on about His provision, but there is no way it would all fit on this blog!

As sad as it is to say good bye to this community, it is so exciting to know that the next stage of life is right around the corner. I look forward so much to what God has in store. I'm sure He has an adventure planned! I know just enough for now. That's all and that's ok. There are things I am unsure of, many many things, but wow, God has proven His faithfulness, I think I can trust Him with these uncertainties too.

I just want these last few days with friends and Moody to be full of joy and happy memories. I don't want the sad, sappy good-byes. I want to move on to the next stage and welcome it because we can't live in the past. Let's embrace what is set before us! Let's rejoice in this day the Lord has given so graciously!

He is good. I want to know Him. I want to serve Him. I'm overwhelmed by His love. He is faithful. He is my provider. He is my all. He is the one I'm crazy about. He is everything I need. He is sufficient. He is powerful. He is a comfort.

A date? No way.

Three weeks left at Moody. So many things to get done. My mind is lost in a whirl of thoughts about saying good-bye to friends, standing up at the last Monday Morning Meeting and addressing my peers that I love so much, packing up my room and moving it all to temporary housing, dealing with my family when they come for graduation, listening to my roommate and loving her, dealing with the hurts and pains from the floor, and the ever popular thought: GUYS.

Yeah. GUYS. I just wish that sometime a guy would cross my path and he would come over to me, like say, tomorrow, it is convenient after all, tomorrow is Friday, and he would say "Hey, doing anything tonight? Want to go out with me for ice cream?" Yeah, then I would of course agree because how could I turn down someone even making the attempt to ask me out?? Even if it was nothing but fun, I would love that. Tonight I just feel so badly to be valued by a guy and be more than just a friend who laughs and has fun or has conversations about the same things all the time. Who am I to these guys? I think they're amazing and have such Godly character! How do they see me? Am I not pretty enough, too tough, too much of a farm girl, too silly? These are the questions that fill my mind as I interact with guy after guy wondering what they think about when they talk to me. Are they dropping hints, but I don't pick up on any of it? Or am I to be more blatenly obvious with them and say "Why don't you just ask me out on a date before I graduate??" Are they scared? If so, of what? I'm gonna be gone in a few weeks, isn't that ok to risk it and hey, even if nothing 'serous' comes from it, at least we can deepen our friendship right? What's wrong with that?

Well here's the rants of a senior who has gone on 'dates' but has never been asked out by a guy who initiated it all.

Power of Jesus

Tonight I watched the movie "The Box" with some friends and although I was greatly disappointed and did not expect it to be the type of movie it was, I came away marveled by the spiritual power presented throughout the movie. Even if it was psychologically involved, and had some sort of aliens or something, it was very spiritual. Very powerful. The words of the song In Christ Alone rang through my mind as my friends & I prayed at the end of the movie. "No power of Hell, no scheme of man, shall ever pluck me from His hand, 'til He returns or calls me home,here in the power of Christ I’ll stand". My safety and security rests in Christ. I belong to HIM. HE Has won the VICTORY over the darkness of this world, HE has DEFEATED THE DEVIL AND THE POWER OF DEATH! That is what this not only what this thing called Easter is all about, but what my life is all about. My life has been bought and purchased by the blood of Christ and I belong to Him. HE is always with me, people fail me, things fail me, money fails me, the ONLY constant in my life, my only security is Him. Oh the peace He give, oh the Comfort I feel, even just knowing His Love makes each day worth getting out of bed. May I glory in my Redeemer, who's priceless blood was shed for me!