The last few days I have had a raging battle in my mind. There is a guy I like and I cannot get him out of my head. The first thing I noticed about this guy is how godly he is. God is everything to him. He is so different than any guy I've ever been interested in and I can not believe I like him as much as I do because of little things that I've always just assumed came with a person (job, school, older than me, etc) however, this guy has none of those things at this point in life. But honestly, that doesn't bother me because even though I don't know him well, I do know that he loves God so much. He seeks after te heart of God.
Anyhow, I just had to write this down. Even if nothing happens from this, it's fun to look back at these things.
Rest my raging waring mind please Father! I just want to rest in You knowing that You will take care of me and what comes to pass will come to pass, it will not be overdue a single day!! Even if this is just a reminder from You that there are godly young men still out there, let it be. Help my mind to rest in peace. Knowing that my life is in Your hands, I have nothing to fear or worry about.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The Last Few Months
Well I just realized I haven't blogged in a LONG time. Over a month. I think about it and then I just don't do it.
Honestly, a lot has happened in the last few months.
Mostly spiritually. The end of the summer the church I had been a part of stopped meeting and I began feeling the deep sadness and mourning the loss of something that had become a huge part of my life and week. I missed the weekly gathering of our tight-knit body of believers.
Then one of the men from that house church (as we affectionately called it), contacted me about coming to a Bible study that has been meeting in his home for some time. I was thrilled beyond words to start meeting with this group mostly because I have heard about what happens at this Bible study and had met a few of the core people who attend.
The first few weeks were good, I loved it yes, but it was slightly a challenge because I had to learn names, relations, and get over the fact that I was the only white person there.
This group has captured my heart. As the weeks have progressed, I found myself longing for Friday night, so ready to be with them all again. This being not only because they are such a fun group and we play Mafia after studying the Word, but because the hunger for learning and growing is so contagious. I don't know a time in my life were I have been around people so excited to know the things of God--and I went to Bible School! You would think the people there would have such contagious presence! Learning with this group has been a huge encouragement and so very refreshing.
The last few years all of the ministry I have been a part of off campus has been mainly outreach/evangelistic focused with little to no results. That can be and is discouraging to countless Christian workers.
While this Friday group is definitely outreach and evangelistic in nature, it is so much more. The people who come who are not believers are engulfed in a room for sometimes six hours with people who only show them love. Our leader's wife said once that could possibly be why they keep coming, they realize that they want to be loved like that. Its a safe place.
Due to the evangelistic turn our Fridays have taken, a few weeks ago we decided to have the core believers meet on Wednesday nights for accountability to deepen our faith and grow in the knowledge of the Word so that we can better witness and love on those who come on Fridays.
So far this too has greatly impacted my spiritual life. Again, I have never experienced anything like this. There are five girls, and five guys. We meet and separate by gender. In our tight groups of five we discuss the scripture we read in the previous week, allowing for questions and clarification on any part of the text. This is so good for the new believers in our group! And they soak it all up! We also have committed to pray for the lost people we interact with daily. These are specific people. We desire to see these people come to know Christ.
And lastly we confess sins to each other. This is hard I think for all of us because most of the group (myself included) has never done this in front of others. It is biblical and so freeing to lay our sins out there, and know that what is said in that place stays there, and is forgiven. We close in prayer and leave with a new section of scripture to read for the following week.
Because of this, I have been in the Word because I want to more than I have in five years. (And I went to BIBLE COLLEGE??!!?!?! yes.) I say this not to brag, but to say my life has been greatly affected by this group. I needed spiritual renewal/revival and God brought it just when He knew I needed it. He brought this group of people and an older couple who naturally and passionately pour into all of us.
Can I just tell you what we've read? It's so exciting and so much fun!
Homework for Bible study one week: Psalm 119 (as many times as we could!)
Week 1: Luke
Week 2: Proverbs
(currently) Week 3: Romans and Colossians(x2)
For the Wednesday group we have a healthy competition going between the guys and girls: Each week we report in on who completed the entire assigned reading, one point is given per person who completed it, two points are deducted for any one person who does not finish. The prize for the winning team is a choice of either a John MacArthur Commentary or purchasing chicks for a village in Cambodia. So far as of Wednesday night this week the girls are winning. :)
So basically I just had to share this or put it into typed out words so that I can look back and see this amazing season of life and remember what God is doing!
Honestly, a lot has happened in the last few months.
Mostly spiritually. The end of the summer the church I had been a part of stopped meeting and I began feeling the deep sadness and mourning the loss of something that had become a huge part of my life and week. I missed the weekly gathering of our tight-knit body of believers.
Then one of the men from that house church (as we affectionately called it), contacted me about coming to a Bible study that has been meeting in his home for some time. I was thrilled beyond words to start meeting with this group mostly because I have heard about what happens at this Bible study and had met a few of the core people who attend.
The first few weeks were good, I loved it yes, but it was slightly a challenge because I had to learn names, relations, and get over the fact that I was the only white person there.
This group has captured my heart. As the weeks have progressed, I found myself longing for Friday night, so ready to be with them all again. This being not only because they are such a fun group and we play Mafia after studying the Word, but because the hunger for learning and growing is so contagious. I don't know a time in my life were I have been around people so excited to know the things of God--and I went to Bible School! You would think the people there would have such contagious presence! Learning with this group has been a huge encouragement and so very refreshing.
The last few years all of the ministry I have been a part of off campus has been mainly outreach/evangelistic focused with little to no results. That can be and is discouraging to countless Christian workers.
While this Friday group is definitely outreach and evangelistic in nature, it is so much more. The people who come who are not believers are engulfed in a room for sometimes six hours with people who only show them love. Our leader's wife said once that could possibly be why they keep coming, they realize that they want to be loved like that. Its a safe place.
Due to the evangelistic turn our Fridays have taken, a few weeks ago we decided to have the core believers meet on Wednesday nights for accountability to deepen our faith and grow in the knowledge of the Word so that we can better witness and love on those who come on Fridays.
So far this too has greatly impacted my spiritual life. Again, I have never experienced anything like this. There are five girls, and five guys. We meet and separate by gender. In our tight groups of five we discuss the scripture we read in the previous week, allowing for questions and clarification on any part of the text. This is so good for the new believers in our group! And they soak it all up! We also have committed to pray for the lost people we interact with daily. These are specific people. We desire to see these people come to know Christ.
And lastly we confess sins to each other. This is hard I think for all of us because most of the group (myself included) has never done this in front of others. It is biblical and so freeing to lay our sins out there, and know that what is said in that place stays there, and is forgiven. We close in prayer and leave with a new section of scripture to read for the following week.
Because of this, I have been in the Word because I want to more than I have in five years. (And I went to BIBLE COLLEGE??!!?!?! yes.) I say this not to brag, but to say my life has been greatly affected by this group. I needed spiritual renewal/revival and God brought it just when He knew I needed it. He brought this group of people and an older couple who naturally and passionately pour into all of us.
Can I just tell you what we've read? It's so exciting and so much fun!
Homework for Bible study one week: Psalm 119 (as many times as we could!)
Week 1: Luke
Week 2: Proverbs
(currently) Week 3: Romans and Colossians(x2)
For the Wednesday group we have a healthy competition going between the guys and girls: Each week we report in on who completed the entire assigned reading, one point is given per person who completed it, two points are deducted for any one person who does not finish. The prize for the winning team is a choice of either a John MacArthur Commentary or purchasing chicks for a village in Cambodia. So far as of Wednesday night this week the girls are winning. :)
So basically I just had to share this or put it into typed out words so that I can look back and see this amazing season of life and remember what God is doing!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Ladies
So my job is amazing. I basically grocery shop for 1000+ people daily. When I'm not working on my order, I'm putting food away on shelves and managing the student workers who are a major part of the 'stocking' process, as well as communicating with the different crews as far as their menu needs and directing people to the items we have ready to be served. My boss and I are in constant communication about who is getting what in when and where we are putting it, what gets labeled and what is the cheapest. It is definitely sometimes stressful and crazy, but it is so wonderful and I love it very much.
I am sure I've said this before, but what really makes my job is the people. My boss is incredible! I love learning from her in even just the way she conducts herself and communicates to others. She is generous in love and compassion, always has a listening ear and is wise wise wise! She is a person certain of where she stands before God, she knows without a doubt that she would not be who she is today without Him and the dramatic way He brought her to Him. She is devoted.
The students are also a huge part of why I love my job. I get to interact with all 9 different crews within Food Service. I love this part so much. Just getting to know the students and help them as we together serve Moody is just wonderful. They just have an energy and joy that is contagious and I can't seem to get enough of.
There are the cooks (the main cause of all my frustrations) and I love them all. Mostly men and one dear wonderful lady , but they are great regardless of the crazy things we encounter!
Then there are the ladies as every other full-time Food Service employee endearingly calls them. These seven ladies are probably some of the most overlooked people in Food Service and they are by far the most interesting to me. One thing that has fascinated me since I started working in Food Service back in 2007, is that these ladies communicate so well with each other, and even sometimes better with each other than with anyone else in the kitchen. This is fascinating because within the seven of them there are three rich, deep cultural backgrounds represented: Vietnamese, African American, and Hispanic--all with thick accents.
Daily I talk with the ladies and learn from their wisdom, and laugh with them about silly things that we see or hear. They share a lot with me and I love it. They even give me great advice from guys to healthy eating habits. One thing I've noticed is when I show interest in food they are making, I always end up with some, even if I don't ask...they just hand me a plate and I'm expected to eat it.
Today was just like that. Vihn walked into the storeroom (aka my office) and asked why we had bamboo on the shelf, I told her it was for a recipe a few months ago, she said she was going to use it. At lunch time all she was talking about was bamboo. She gave me a bowl, I had no idea what it would taste like, but I took it because my Vietnameese mother would have it no other way. I ate it and LOVED it.
Later I walked by the baker station and saw Josephina working on peppers... I stopped and inquired about what she was doing and she gave me a plate with instructions on how to properly heat it in the microwave. I told her I would eat it right then. And oh. my. wonderful. It was heavenly good. My Mexican momma took care of me. :)
These ladies are a joy. I care for them so much and probably more than I realize they care for me too. I am so glad that for the last 5 years my life has been impacted by godly women who come from a range of backgrounds and experience, yet we serve the same God and that is what unites us to serve Him together.
Thank You Lord.
I am sure I've said this before, but what really makes my job is the people. My boss is incredible! I love learning from her in even just the way she conducts herself and communicates to others. She is generous in love and compassion, always has a listening ear and is wise wise wise! She is a person certain of where she stands before God, she knows without a doubt that she would not be who she is today without Him and the dramatic way He brought her to Him. She is devoted.
The students are also a huge part of why I love my job. I get to interact with all 9 different crews within Food Service. I love this part so much. Just getting to know the students and help them as we together serve Moody is just wonderful. They just have an energy and joy that is contagious and I can't seem to get enough of.
There are the cooks (the main cause of all my frustrations) and I love them all. Mostly men and one dear wonderful lady , but they are great regardless of the crazy things we encounter!
Then there are the ladies as every other full-time Food Service employee endearingly calls them. These seven ladies are probably some of the most overlooked people in Food Service and they are by far the most interesting to me. One thing that has fascinated me since I started working in Food Service back in 2007, is that these ladies communicate so well with each other, and even sometimes better with each other than with anyone else in the kitchen. This is fascinating because within the seven of them there are three rich, deep cultural backgrounds represented: Vietnamese, African American, and Hispanic--all with thick accents.
Daily I talk with the ladies and learn from their wisdom, and laugh with them about silly things that we see or hear. They share a lot with me and I love it. They even give me great advice from guys to healthy eating habits. One thing I've noticed is when I show interest in food they are making, I always end up with some, even if I don't ask...they just hand me a plate and I'm expected to eat it.
Today was just like that. Vihn walked into the storeroom (aka my office) and asked why we had bamboo on the shelf, I told her it was for a recipe a few months ago, she said she was going to use it. At lunch time all she was talking about was bamboo. She gave me a bowl, I had no idea what it would taste like, but I took it because my Vietnameese mother would have it no other way. I ate it and LOVED it.
Later I walked by the baker station and saw Josephina working on peppers... I stopped and inquired about what she was doing and she gave me a plate with instructions on how to properly heat it in the microwave. I told her I would eat it right then. And oh. my. wonderful. It was heavenly good. My Mexican momma took care of me. :)
These ladies are a joy. I care for them so much and probably more than I realize they care for me too. I am so glad that for the last 5 years my life has been impacted by godly women who come from a range of backgrounds and experience, yet we serve the same God and that is what unites us to serve Him together.
Thank You Lord.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
People
Tonight I find myself alone. It is too quiet. I get so down when I'm alone.
Recently a good friend told me something that made me realize something about myself. She said I desire and long to care for a man, its as if I was just made and programed that way. I had not really thought of it that way, but I think she was right. There are many many many days that I am totally fine being single and I enjoy my freedom and independence so so so much, but there are about the same amount of days that I do long for that person to do life with. I suppose today is one of those.
I have to remind myself that there are wonderful things about the quiet, people-less nights too. I can spend time in the Word, prayer and calling loved ones. I just have to remember to not dwell on all the things that I don't have when it is so quiet and I have some 'down time' before I interact with people again. There is so much I can still do!
I just love love love people. I love the crazy busyness, excitement, joy, encouragement, real stuff *good & bad*, and all the life things that come with individuals. I love it. It fascinates me that God made each of us so different, yet there are people that identify specially with others because of certain similarities that draw them together. I love it. He is amazing that way. No one is better than anyone else and all are here for His glory, whether they see it that way or not.
Sometimes my roommate and I don't talk, but we are in the same room, I love even that. Part of our relationship that I love, we know each other well enough that we don't have to constantly entertain or avoid each other. There is a happy medium and I love it. Just to have one's presence in the room just is so wonderful to me.
Recently a good friend told me something that made me realize something about myself. She said I desire and long to care for a man, its as if I was just made and programed that way. I had not really thought of it that way, but I think she was right. There are many many many days that I am totally fine being single and I enjoy my freedom and independence so so so much, but there are about the same amount of days that I do long for that person to do life with. I suppose today is one of those.
I have to remind myself that there are wonderful things about the quiet, people-less nights too. I can spend time in the Word, prayer and calling loved ones. I just have to remember to not dwell on all the things that I don't have when it is so quiet and I have some 'down time' before I interact with people again. There is so much I can still do!
I just love love love people. I love the crazy busyness, excitement, joy, encouragement, real stuff *good & bad*, and all the life things that come with individuals. I love it. It fascinates me that God made each of us so different, yet there are people that identify specially with others because of certain similarities that draw them together. I love it. He is amazing that way. No one is better than anyone else and all are here for His glory, whether they see it that way or not.
Sometimes my roommate and I don't talk, but we are in the same room, I love even that. Part of our relationship that I love, we know each other well enough that we don't have to constantly entertain or avoid each other. There is a happy medium and I love it. Just to have one's presence in the room just is so wonderful to me.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Questions, no answers....yet
Back in May my roommate and sister got engaged. I thought, oh, yeah, I have plenty of time to figure out what and where I'm at by the time my roommate gets married. I should know by then if I'm staying in Chicago, getting married or even if and who I will live with after she leaves.
We talked last night and it started to hit me that she is leaving SOON. End of February to be exact. Our lease is up April, I don't know what to do.
My job commitment was for a year, that is up in December, but at this point I have no reason to tell them I'm leaving, as far as they know, I'm staying.
End of February is not a great time for having a new roommate join the apartment, but something will work out.
Do I renew the lease? Or do I find a new place and move? Again the question of roommates, or should I find a place I can afford for myself? If I do move and keep my job, I probably would have to get a car. If I get a car, I have to get insurance.
If I were to move, the most logical location would be back to the neighborhood I lived in just after graduation. I end up out there three times at least a week now. But then, if I move out there, why not just apply for full time ministry with ICI?
But my heart's tug is to go overseas. I cannot ignore this. What am I suppose to do?
Recently the church I had been attending for almost 3 years stopped meeting, and most of my close friends are no longer in the city.
Now seems like the most logical time to go, but I am at such a loss as to what and where. There are so many options and I don't feel led to any. What am I suppose to do?
Just the things that are rolling around in my head...I am scared and uncertain... I know He is faithful... I know He will lead.... I know I have to trust Him.
We talked last night and it started to hit me that she is leaving SOON. End of February to be exact. Our lease is up April, I don't know what to do.
My job commitment was for a year, that is up in December, but at this point I have no reason to tell them I'm leaving, as far as they know, I'm staying.
End of February is not a great time for having a new roommate join the apartment, but something will work out.
Do I renew the lease? Or do I find a new place and move? Again the question of roommates, or should I find a place I can afford for myself? If I do move and keep my job, I probably would have to get a car. If I get a car, I have to get insurance.
If I were to move, the most logical location would be back to the neighborhood I lived in just after graduation. I end up out there three times at least a week now. But then, if I move out there, why not just apply for full time ministry with ICI?
But my heart's tug is to go overseas. I cannot ignore this. What am I suppose to do?
Recently the church I had been attending for almost 3 years stopped meeting, and most of my close friends are no longer in the city.
Now seems like the most logical time to go, but I am at such a loss as to what and where. There are so many options and I don't feel led to any. What am I suppose to do?
Just the things that are rolling around in my head...I am scared and uncertain... I know He is faithful... I know He will lead.... I know I have to trust Him.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
God, Please Give me Patience... NOW!!!!
I remember praying for patience a lot during high school at my nursing home job. By God's grace alone I worked there for 2 years. Those prayers for patience were always always always tested and answered with great opportunities to be patient!
I'd like to say that I am a relatively easy-going and gentle person. The last two weeks the monster inside of me has emerged. I must not handle stress well at all. And mostly I am frustrated with myself at how worked up I get over the littlest things.
I asked my dad recently how to deal with difficult people in the work place, and he said over and over again, patience. This coming from the man in my life I know the best and who I know has a terrible temper. Unfortunately, I take after him in not only his looks, and personality, but his temper too.
The last two weeks my boss has been on vacation, and apparently at other jobs when the boss is gone it's basically vacation time for the employees. Not the case at my job. I have been running around crazy almost 9 hours straight for the last two weeks. The thing is, I can do it, I know I can. The thing that bothers me is when other people don't do their part of the job to help the whole team. Also, in my frustration with others I get worried that my coworkers perceive me to be incapable of handling all that I am responsible for while my boss is out. I wish I was better at controlling my freak outs.
Thankfully God put some good, understanding friends in my path today who were rather encouraging and that helped immensely. I put on that positive attitude and decided that today was not going to be a terrible day, even if it started out not so great, I was determined it would end well, and it did.
Tomorrow will be no different, I will pray for patience, the tests will come. No matter what is thrown at me, I hope that when the test comes, I will pass and pass with a higher grade than today. I want to be Christlike in my work and I want to speak with grace and gentleness. I suppose those are skills that take time to learn and learning through mistakes. He will teach me, that I am certain!
I'd like to say that I am a relatively easy-going and gentle person. The last two weeks the monster inside of me has emerged. I must not handle stress well at all. And mostly I am frustrated with myself at how worked up I get over the littlest things.
I asked my dad recently how to deal with difficult people in the work place, and he said over and over again, patience. This coming from the man in my life I know the best and who I know has a terrible temper. Unfortunately, I take after him in not only his looks, and personality, but his temper too.
The last two weeks my boss has been on vacation, and apparently at other jobs when the boss is gone it's basically vacation time for the employees. Not the case at my job. I have been running around crazy almost 9 hours straight for the last two weeks. The thing is, I can do it, I know I can. The thing that bothers me is when other people don't do their part of the job to help the whole team. Also, in my frustration with others I get worried that my coworkers perceive me to be incapable of handling all that I am responsible for while my boss is out. I wish I was better at controlling my freak outs.
Thankfully God put some good, understanding friends in my path today who were rather encouraging and that helped immensely. I put on that positive attitude and decided that today was not going to be a terrible day, even if it started out not so great, I was determined it would end well, and it did.
Tomorrow will be no different, I will pray for patience, the tests will come. No matter what is thrown at me, I hope that when the test comes, I will pass and pass with a higher grade than today. I want to be Christlike in my work and I want to speak with grace and gentleness. I suppose those are skills that take time to learn and learning through mistakes. He will teach me, that I am certain!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Time?
Thursday I said good-bye to my last friend who shared the current stage of life in this city.
Friday I hid with memories and people of dishcrew.
Saturday I cried for a few hours as it hit me: my dear friend really did get on that plane, she really did go to India for the next 4 months, and no, I did not go.
I so desperately wanted to sit and talk with someone, or again, hide by spending time with other friends, but everyone was busy. The facts are, the people around me are consumed in different things than I am at this point of life. I know many married people, many single people, but either of these groups defined by relationship status have a secondary identifier: school or ministry or both, and now most of them if married, families too.
I don't have a church anymore, and I am just at the end of one ministry and have my foot in the door of another.
Not sure what to do.
As I sat with the hot tears streaming down my face Saturday, I found myself yet again clinging to the only Hope left, the Only One who is always there and never fails.
My faith in question, I have to cling to Him. He will guide. I am reminded of the countless people who have gone on before me, they risked it all. They gave up all they knew and all for the sake of the Gospel.
What am I doing for the Gospel to be heard?
Today as I walked down the busy streets of Chicago, in the early, dark morning, and again this bright, sunny afternoon, the unsettling stirring inside me saying how I don't like the city was clear for the first time in almost 5 years. Was it just something today or is this the time that God is moving me on? I have no clue. I have to keep reminding myself that right now I don't have to have it all figured out. I have to trust day by day that my God will take care of me.
I have to remember those times in the past that He's been faithful and how I look back at the obvious intervention of my Mighty God. He's not done, why should I doubt?
Do I have fear? Well of course! Do I want to know now? Well yes!
But tonight I will sleep, knowing that if I'm given tomorrow, I'll go to what I know and live for Him regardless, trusting that He will guide me.
Friday I hid with memories and people of dishcrew.
Saturday I cried for a few hours as it hit me: my dear friend really did get on that plane, she really did go to India for the next 4 months, and no, I did not go.
I so desperately wanted to sit and talk with someone, or again, hide by spending time with other friends, but everyone was busy. The facts are, the people around me are consumed in different things than I am at this point of life. I know many married people, many single people, but either of these groups defined by relationship status have a secondary identifier: school or ministry or both, and now most of them if married, families too.
I don't have a church anymore, and I am just at the end of one ministry and have my foot in the door of another.
Not sure what to do.
As I sat with the hot tears streaming down my face Saturday, I found myself yet again clinging to the only Hope left, the Only One who is always there and never fails.
My faith in question, I have to cling to Him. He will guide. I am reminded of the countless people who have gone on before me, they risked it all. They gave up all they knew and all for the sake of the Gospel.
What am I doing for the Gospel to be heard?
Today as I walked down the busy streets of Chicago, in the early, dark morning, and again this bright, sunny afternoon, the unsettling stirring inside me saying how I don't like the city was clear for the first time in almost 5 years. Was it just something today or is this the time that God is moving me on? I have no clue. I have to keep reminding myself that right now I don't have to have it all figured out. I have to trust day by day that my God will take care of me.
I have to remember those times in the past that He's been faithful and how I look back at the obvious intervention of my Mighty God. He's not done, why should I doubt?
Do I have fear? Well of course! Do I want to know now? Well yes!
But tonight I will sleep, knowing that if I'm given tomorrow, I'll go to what I know and live for Him regardless, trusting that He will guide me.
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