worth & meaning

I know that when the road is rough, and when life only seems to give us lemons we're suppose to look on the bright side and be optimistic and all that.

I've been trying all day. Really, most of the day went extremely well when compared to some of the others in the recent past. But then I got a text canceling one of the things I was looking forward to most in my day. Oh well, I guess we can't have everything we want right?

Then after I made myself a delightful dinner and managed to set off the fire alarm second night in a row and freeze out the apartment, I found out that the one other thing I was looking forward to this day would not happen because of the elections.

Yep, so these things we want just don't really always happen or come about in the way we originally think or plan.

As I walked home tonight I began down that dark path of thinking again. I hate it, I know it's wrong, but I cannot seem to find any worth and meaning in what I do and who I am. I know those are lies, but it is hard when I finish a day like today and see absolutely no point to anything that I did. Nothing. I don't know how God is glorified in me doing nothing and how meaningless the work I did was. I guess the right answer is that I should be doing this meaningless work with a good attitude and a grateful heart. I don't know where to find that.

I guess I've lost myself in self pity yet again and I feel so lost and abandoned. I know it is a lie that I think I'll have worth and meaning if I'm a wife, and oh goodness how at the same time that life can't be easy either. Why can't I be content with what I have and what has been given to me?