The last 6 months have been mass confusion for me. My mind has been in a whirl and constantly I am questioning everything. Literally everything. I have so many fears and I beat myself up for not stepping out in faith and just seeing what the Lord will do.
Sure I think I know what I want, but it doesn't seem to match with reality. Why can't just living for today and finding myself in Christ be enough for me? Why do I strive so much to be consumed by everything else around me and replace my relationship with the Lord with people I think so highly of and desire so much to be accepted by?
I have a dream and a vision, and that is saying something because I am more a realist-type... but even with this I have fears. I don't know where to even start with this dream, but it is something I would LOVE to do beyond anything else. I am scared. Where is my faith?
Is my faith held back by fear because of all the options in front of me? I just don't know what to choose. I know that the things I love are there for a reason, what I love is a gift from God and He wants me to do what I love to bring Him glory. So then what do I do? Do I move forward with this dream and see what happens? What about the ridicule that will come? What about the tough times? And then I'm reminded, see how He has made it all work together for good in the past? What makes me doubt that He will continue? Can't I trust Him?
The easy road would be for someone to just say "Rebecca! Do this! Go this way!" but of course, I'm called to obey and step out in faith. When will I push that fear aside and really step out of the boat onto the water with my eyes totally fixed on the One who is more trustworthy than any other? Help me to trust You, dear Lord!
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