Overthinking?

This one is long, and a little bit like a journal, so don't feel like you have to read it, I more just had to get my thoughts out.


Sometimes I over think things. Especially when it comes to guys. This week has been so great for me as far as just being content in my singleness and truly trying to enjoy each day and not live in constant expectation. I'm so thankful for this mental/emotional 'change', and that it has been more enjoyable and easier than I guess I would have thought before. I think what my friend said a few months ago about 'liking the idea of a relationship more than the person' is and has been where I'm at. And I don't want to be there, but I know that I am terrified of the reality of being in a serious relationship with someone again, and even marriage. Also, I'm just being reminded of all the wonderful things I can do as a single that are much more convenient than if I were married. Praise God for me being single right now. I don't know if I will be forever, but I thank Him for the strength He has so obviously provided to encourage me and help me endure these days that I am single. I will trust Him day by day.

Back to the over thinking...

So even though this week has been so so so great and positive for me as far as seeing myself as a single and being ok with that; I still have been confused by this person in my life. I don't get him. He is still a mystery. I just convinced myself the other night that I can't over think things, or read into them, and that there is no way that he really could or would be interested in me as more than a friend. Then today, after a short run-in, I was left even more confused. After relaying the scenario with two friends, they agree and confirm that they think there is something there on his end, even if it is that he just enjoys my friendship.

I guess I just don't know what to do. I thought I was over him. I'm so frustrated with crushes, I don't understand why they have to be a part of life. I don't think having a crush is productive at all. I have had so many crushes and they all end with nothing. I know that there is some reason for them, maybe to get me to pray more, but I really wish I would just stop liking people for the sake of liking them. If I'm going to like someone, can't it be for longer and for less shallow reasons than when I realize that they are never going to like me that way or it would never work out between us? I'm done with crushes. Or so I think until a day like this comes along, and other people see the possible signs of 'my crush' liking me too. What would I do if he really liked me back? oh my. I feel like I don't know him at all, but I want to. I feel like such a little girl...wondering about this person, does he think about me? Does he realize how much I think about him?

Well that's on my mind tonight. Thanks, blog, for letting me spill on you.