Sara Groves

I'm in love with Sara Groves' music. I love the words to her songs and just how powerful and meaningful the messages are that ring through her voice and tickle my ears. It seriously touches my soul and warms my heart. I feel the words that she has written in these songs are messages from God to me as He holds my hand and whispers so sweetly to me, assuring me of all my fears and insecurities, just to cast it on Him, that all I am and ever hope to be is safe and secure in Him. I feel His love and presence through these songs.

From the song "Conversations":
The only thing that isn’t meaningless to me
Is Jesus Christ and the way he set me free.

And today especially this song has been playing through my head since the moment I woke up, "He's Always Been Faithful":

Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways

CHORUS:
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand

CHORUS

This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.

CHORUS

Random Thoughts

Just some things that occupy part of my mind throughout the day:

I want to collage a new journal so I can pray/vent on my lunch breaks.

Eating steak and potatoes.

Getting a pedicure.

I dream of a massage... Never had a real (professional) one, but it sure sounds amazing.

Living life in another country. Experiencing challenges of life in a culture that is not my own.

Lots of other things fill my mind throughout the day, such as wondering if that cute guy really does like me or if I even exist in his world. And being completely terrified of the thought of getting serious with a guy, but struggling because I want to! Like my friend said a few months ago, do I like the idea of a guy more than the reality of it all? That is still a challenging question for me.

So God knows the desires of my heart? I feel that I must leap out in faith whether I'm single or not, so maybe I'm coming to a place where my 'identity' is not so much on my singleness, but more so on the person of Christ and how much I must have complete faith and trust in Him. No matter what today or tomorrow brings, faith is a necessity. So is it taking faith to walk over to that cute boy and say hi, sit for a bit and chat? I have no idea, but I was so nervous and so glad I did sit for a bit!

Pleasures in life are not bad. The little pleasures we are given in this life help us have a little bite-size candy piece of how pleasurable Heaven will be and that is what I long for. TO enjoy the presence of my God forever. I cannot even imagine. I don't think we even have any idea or can begin to comprehend all that God has in store for those who will spend eternity with Him. Oh glory!

Anyhow, these are the things that have been on my mind lately.

Open and See

I miss those plains. I miss the rolling hills and the clear blue sky.

I miss the simple life.

Some reason when I return to those things I feel so far from home and that I do not belong.

Never did I think I would live in the Gold Coast of Chicago and work for a college in the Food Service Department.

No, these were not my hopes and dreams, but I can't complain, I love love love going to work each day and I love the people I work with. I can't imagine working and living anywhere else right now.

Will one day I be back in the simple country life? Or will I now forever be a city girl?

I do miss the open space where I could see for miles.

Love from Above

Smiling and joking as we put cans on the shelves.
These guys make my day. I love my job.

Sitting at lunch just eating that food. Somehow get talking about where I'm at. One of these gems looks at me and shares some bold wisdom. Such kindness and encouragement, much needed. Sort of like a slap on the behind, but not in a mean way, just out of complete kindness and brotherly love.

Dinner rolls around, find myself sitting at that same table again. Dear friend walks up, conversation comes about. He sits down, looks me in the eye, tells me in the most serious voice that to him and the rest of the guys I'm their sister in Christ and it is their responsibility to look out for me right now since my dad and brothers are far away and I'm not married or seeing anyone. I was touched beyond words.

Yesterday I spent some time in the Word, just praying what I read and asking for some reassurance of His love, and well did He ever show me today. I felt the love of my Father above today.

Oh shoot Target run. Should have found someone to go with me. Felt silly asking all those boys in the SDR if they would go with me. Finally asked one, he just nonchalantly agreed. And what a time we had.

I am just so encouraged. There are really guys in my life who aren't jerks and I do have good guy friends still. Thank You Jesus!

Abba

Abba, I want to go. I want to leave all the comforts and run to the places that need to hear about You. Abba, hold my hand, take me, lead me. I am so lost without You. Abba, every day is meaningless without You. Abba, show me where to go, teach me Your Love. Abba, what am I to do with my life? Do You give me permission to go? Will You use me? What do You have for me? Can You help me trust You more? Remove my doubt and pour and paint Your healing blood into my gaping wounds so that I can be completely healed. Oh how I need Your breath of life to fill me every moment. Abba, only You.

I want to be where You are
I want to know Who You are
So when You call my name
I'll say to You here I am
I'm listening Lord speak to me
I want to see how You see
Change my heart Lord make me holy
If there's anything in my life
That doesn't honor You tonight
I'm listening Lord speak to me
Speak to me
("Speak to Me" by David Lubben)

Weak Heart

This past summer I ventured into the ER for my first visit. My chest had been hurting for some time and I was concerned that I had a heart problem. Thankfully, I walked out of the ER with good news, no heart problem! Just 'stressed' muscles around the bones in my chest.

I'm thankful my weak heart is not physical, but today I feel that that would be easier to deal with. My weak heart is the one that lies within. The one that us young girls are told the 'guard'.

I don't know if it is just one of those days I woke up and my aching and longing to be loved by another was just greater than an average day or what, but there I sat on my breakfast break, alone and thinking about the past and the heart break that has left my weak heart in the shambles and tears it is now. And to think about how God is healing me, never forsaking me.

However, those thoughts could not stay long, no, my 20 minutes was up, my breakfast devoured. So I set about my work, distracting myself from the heart-ache that I knew was inside.

Lunch was spent with a splendid friend. We had an incredible time 'enjoying God's creation' and again, sat wondering about the place I am now.

Upon returning to my work yet again, determined to distract myself from the reality of the heart-ache, I turned the corner into my office, quickly grabbing something, as my eyes caught an unfamiliar object on my desk! Flowers. Chocolate. My heart leaped! I read the sweet note, and thanked God (audibly??!!) for my wonderful roommate who had no clue the struggle that had been my day so far. Just to be reminded that I do matter, that I am loved. That it doesn't have to come from a guy, but that I do have people in my life that care about me. I am touched. My heart is full. Really, overwhelmed. She didn't know how much I needed that.

That my friends, is the Holy Spirit. Praise Him.

Grace in All Things

This week is the busiest at my place of work for the entire year. And to top that off we got a record snowstorm/blizzard. Oh but to top that off, Tuesday my roommate & I signed a lease, and we were planning to move every night this week, and get all the big stuff on Saturday. And to top that off, I've been sick.

How appropriate is the theme to this year's Founder's Week at Moody Bible Institute that has been occupying most of my time and thoughts at my job this week, The Riches of His Grace. I have had the opportunity to hear each nightly message, either by way of the online streaming, or being in the auditorium because I was stranded on campus due to the storm, but nonetheless, these messages have been profoundly amazingly good.

I don't know if I have just been extremely hungry for God's Word, but He has spoken to me in each of these messages. And the resounding Word from Him is that His grace is powerful and perfect. I can and do experience His grace.

I have seen His grace more at work in my life this week than I have thought to take notice of in a while.

The simple things you know, like the kind person who left two little pieces of chocolate on my desk yesterday, only God knew how much that meant to me and brightened the crazy business and stress that I was engulfed in. Only God knew how much it meant to me that a sweet guy walked up to me and gave me his free drink at the campus coffee shop, just because, and in front of a lot of people. Only God brought those dozens of bagels to be delivered despite yesterday's crazy storm, even after I had made a few calls, each confirming to me that the company was closed and we would not receive our bagels, that was no challenge for Him, He brought them.

Only by the grace of God was all the orders organized, companies called, and food located for today's meals after not being delivered today. Only by God's grace did I have the strength to deal with every detail with my boss snowed in at her home. Only by God's grace was any of that possible because of my physical well-being and how weak I am. His power is perfected in weakness, His glory must shine. It is to His name that all these things took place.

Only by His good and perfect, powerful grace did He provide a place for me to sleep, not just one, but two nights to keep me from the bitter cold and damage my ailing body through trudging out in that deep, deep snow. How His grace has showered over me, and that I can see so clear and plain this week. May I not forget the richness of His grace He has so freely given to me. May His name be glorified!