Failure: In Who's Eyes?

This is how I have been viewing myself the last 24 hours, the definition according to dictionary.com:
Failure
–noun
1.
an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. the campaign was a failure.
2.
nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
3.
a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops.
4.
deterioration or decay, especially of vigor, strength, etc.: The failure of her health made retirement necessary.


But really, in the eyes of God, I am the farthest from that.
Psalm 139

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.

3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.

5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”

12 Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.

20 For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22 I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.



Those are the words that are the truth and speak to my utmost inner being. Words of a more passionate and intimate love than any earthly relationship.

My goal during this current trial and struggle, is to enjoy the fullness of the presence of God. I am learning what that means. I know He is stretching me, and bringing me back to confidence in who He is and that He will take care of me.

I want to find joy unexplainable that is only rooted in Him and knowing Him more.

Teach me more about You, my Father!