The thing I find myself wanting so so badly most of the time I am the most scared of. It seriously is one of my greatest fears.
Today I had a meltdown. Major meltdown. The last few days I've been fighting to believe that God is able to take care of my fears and believe that He is able to do what I hope for and heal me too.
All the content thoughts, feelings, and just being I have been experiencing the last few weeks, have been replaced the last few days with the devil creeping in and whispering to me that I'm not good enough, that no one will like me, that I'm a failure, that I annoy people, that I'm no good at anything. He is so WRONG!
But I have been believing him. And I know I am WRONG.
My prayer has been that I believe He is able, but for Him to help my unbelief like in Mark 9:24. Or unlike doubting Thomas, I need to have faith and believe in who Jesus is, the person of Christ and who I am to Him even without seeing Him in physical form before me.
Then I read Psalm 18 tonight. That is a powerful & passionate Psalm. Talks about when God delivered David from all his enemies and from Saul's hand. God tears apart heaven and earth for those whom He loves. HE LOVES ME. HE will defeat my enemies! The ones on this earth that I have grown to hate, and the evil one who tries to convince me of everything I am not.
Can I now live in victory that God has this under control and the enemies in my life are defeated? Can I believe that He is able? Can I forgive myself?
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