Focus

I walk around each day pretty much clueless and taking for granted the wonderful gift I have. I have the wonderful opportunity right now to know God more and to learn to follow hard after Him. However, myself gets in the way. I am so centered around me.

I realized this these past few days as I shared my boo-whoos and complaints with good friends. Two of these friends said things that really helped put things in perspective. One told me that my current struggles are not my fault, that I should not put this trial on myself, it is those who have done wrong, the blame is on them. I must not blame myself. My other friend simply asked me if I'd been spending time in the Word and with the Lord in prayer. I had to be honest, this week was a little bleak in that area. This friend also told me to stop living like I deserve God to do something for me. So true and so challenging.

As I walked home this afternoon it hit me again that right now, God has blessed me with this gift of singleness, and it truly is a gift. For those who are not bound to another human, it is a gift to live in strong pursuit of our Creator. I have not been doing that. It is so ingrained in me to 'blend' and show that everything is ok, and that I know all the right answers, but in reality, I'm struggling. I don't deserve His love, I don't deserve His grace. I must accept it though. I must have faith that He is bigger than my fears and all my anxious longings.

Oh to find my delight in Him alone. That is my desire. My hope is that I will not be so lost in the busyness of life and meeting up with people that I push out and ignore the passionate pursuit of my Savior.

I want to learn more about what it means to sacrifice the things we love and how joy ties into that.