That is what this is. I'm in transition and I'm waiting on the Lord. I have no idea what my future holds. All I know is that He will not fail me and He is faithful. I have to trust Him.
I'm so frustrated with my job because it is affecting the rest of my life. I am learning so much there, but it drains me so much too.
I started this day thinking that I one day actually want children, and about 3:30 this afternoon I was about to walk out of work and never come back. And on top of that vow to never have children! I am trying to not take the harshness of a three-year-old too personally, but wow, today I was completely offended. Maybe I'm being the childish one here.
Then as I waited for the bus, my dear friend called, he told me he and his wife are expecting their first child in February. To which I was ecstatic that he is going to be a daddy!! But as we ended our conversation, I could not help but be sad that the majority of my very close, deep friends are now married, and at least 3 of them have babies already. I feel like I'm behind. I feel like I'm missing out. And I so want to be right there with them.
I came home and made a yummy dinner, but as I prepared and cooked the food, I could not help but wonder if there is a guy out there, is there a man I can share food with one day and cook him meals? I want to be his wife. I want to have a little home and be the woman of the house. Oh why is this such a desire of mine? I wish that it would just go away.
When I lay these longings before my King, He says wait as of lately. So my King, I will wait. Hold me though while I wait, my tears are big and my heart heavy.
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